Snark-Infested Waters by Mike Bailey

Snark-Infested Waters by Mike Bailey

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Sarah Palin: logic buster!

I’m not going to repeat my performance from last time and dissect Sarah Palin’s for-real farewell speech because I simply don’t have that kind of time this week. I will, however, respond to a few key points, because I cannot resist the urge to poke the pit bull. Er, hockey mom.

Now what the rest of America gets to see along with us is in this last frontier there is hope and opportunity and there is country pride. And it is our men and women in uniform securing it, and we are facing tough challenges in America with some seeming to just be Hell bent maybe on tearing down our nation, perpetuating some pessimism, and suggesting American apologetics [sic], suggesting perhaps that our best days were yesterdays.

What a laughable statement coming from a self-proclaimed conservative. Palin’s ilk has done nothing but try to tear apart everything the Democratic-controlled Congress and President Obama have tried to do. Not encourage productive discussion and healthy debate, but simply gainsay everything that comes out of D.C. because it’s a “liberal” or “Democratic” idea and therefore automatically bad.

Plus, I don’t think the Democrats are the ones “hell-bent” on turning America’s moral and social clock back to an idealized 1950s, where people married out of high school and stayed that way — even if the relationship was a disaster — abortion never happened, and homosexuals were so heavily closeted their summer homes were in Narnia.

Some straight talk for some, just some in the media because another right protected for all of us is freedom of the press, and you all have such important jobs reporting facts and informing the electorate, and exerting power to influence. You represent what could and should be a respected honest profession that could and should be the cornerstone of our democracy. Democracy depends on you, and that is why, that’s why our troops are willing to die for you. So, how ’bout in honor of the American soldier, ya quite makin’ things up.

Translation: “You didn’t give me the kind of coverage I wanted during the 2008 campaign, so I’m going to try and lay a guilt trip on you by playing the American soldier card.”

Making things up? Could we perhaps get an example? How about WMDs in Iraq? Oh, wait, that wasn’t the media that made that up…

One other thing for the media, our new governor has a very nice family too, so leave his kids alone.

Tell you what: if Sean Parnell doesn’t go around extolling the virtues of abstinence-only sex education only to later reveal that his kid had unprotected sex and got preggers, we’ll think about it.

I promised that we would manage our fish and wildlife for abundance, and that we would defend the constitution, and we have, though outside special interest groups they still just don’t get it on this one. Let me tell you, Alaskans really need to stick together on this with new leadership in this area especially, encouraging new leadership… got to stiffen your spine to do what’s right for Alaska when the pressure mounts, because you’re going to see anti-hunting, anti-second amendment circuses from Hollywood and here’s how they do it. They use these delicate, tiny, very talented celebrity starlets, they use Alaska as a fundraising tool for their anti-second amendment causes. Stand strong, and remind them patriots will protect our guaranteed, individual right to bear arms, and by the way, Hollywood needs to know, we eat, therefore we hunt.

Hollywood is anti-gun? Sarah, have you actually watched a Hollywood movie that came out after 1970? Here, I’ll let YouTube explain:

“We eat therefore we hunt”? Sorry, I had no idea my farm-raised beef cattle were stalked through their pastures and shot by outdoorsmen in safety-orange vests. My bad.

Be wary of accepting government largess. It doesn’t come free and often, accepting it takes away everything that is free, melting into Washington’s powerful “care-taking” arms will just suck incentive to work hard and chart our own course right out of us, and that not only contributes to an unstable economy and dizzying national debt, but it does make us less free.

How much federal funding were you guys going to get for the Bridge to Nowhere? By the way, from the Child Welfare League of America 2009 Fact Sheet for Alaska: In 2006, Alaska spent $69,846,279 in Temporary Assistance for Needy Families (TANF) funds, including 52.1% on basic assistance, 8.41% on child care, 1.0% on transportation, and 38.5% on nonassistance. In 2007, Alaska spent $14,830,199 on WIC (the Special Supplement Nutrition Program for Women, Infants, and Children), serving 25,205 participants. 21. In 2007, Alaska collected and distributed $90,888,031 in child support funds, a 5.2% increase from 2006.

So yeah! Take that, government largess!

(PS: Don’t mention to Sarah that Alaska used three percent of its stimulus money to shore up the state budget. She might get cranky.)

Alaskans will remember that years ago, remember we sported the old bumper sticker that said, “Alaska. We Don’t Give a Darn How They Do It Outside?” Do you remember that? I remember that, and remember it was because we would be different. We’d roll up our sleeves, and we would diligently sow and reap, and we can still do this to carve wealth out of the wilderness and make our living on the water, with strong hands and innovative minds, now with smarter technology. It is what our first people and our parents did. It worked, because they worked. We must be prudent and persistent and press for the people’s right to responsibly develop God-given resources for the maximum benefit of the people.

Wait a sec…”We must be prudent and persistent and press for the people’s right to responsibly develop God-given resources for the maximum benefit of the people.” But isn’t that…SOCIALISM?!

Now, people who know me, and they know how much I love this state, some still are choosing not to hear why I made the decision to chart a new course to advance the state. And it should be so obvious to you. (indicating heckler) It is because I love Alaska this much, sir (at heckler) that I feel it is my duty to avoid the unproductive, typical, politics as usual, lame duck session in one’s last year in office. How does that benefit you? No, with this decision now, I will be able to fight even harder for you, for what is right, for truth. And I have never felt like you need a title to do that.

Some are choosing to call Sarah Palin a quitter because she claimed she would no longer be able to do the four-year job to which she had been elected beyond two and a half years, when in fact she just got tired of people paying attention to all those pesky alleged ethics violations. You know, the kind of stuff the media likes to make up…and worse, mention at inopportune times like, oh, say, a press conference relating to her 2012 Presidential campaign?

The views and opinions in the Enterprise blogs are those of the author and are not neccessarily shared by Falmouth Publishing.

One Response to “Sarah Palin: logic buster!”

  1. Palin makes my brain hurt…she is like a female version of Bush.

    “we eat, therefore we hunt.”

    I didn’t know we ate wolves either.

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