Snark-Infested Waters by Mike Bailey

Snark-Infested Waters by Mike Bailey

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A vote for Rachel Brown is a vote for Martian tyranny!

While driving home over the weekend, I encountered a group of people at the Taunton city green engaged in what politicos call a “stand-out” – which, as the name suggests, involves standing out in a highly visible public area holding campaign signs for your chosen candidate.

The first thing to catch my eye at this particular stand-out was a large sign, mounted on a wooden A-frame mounted in turn atop someone’s SUV, calling for President Obama’s impeachment. I then noticed a fellow unloading signs from the back of the SUV bearing a headshot of Obama to which had been added a Hitler mustache.

Yeah, one of those.

The candidate belonging to these signs and supporters was a woman by the name of Rachel Brown, who is running for the Democratic nomination for US Representative of the Fourth Congressional District, a.k.a. Barney Frank’s turf. I couldn’t help but wonder if this woman knew that her backers were engaging in this tastelessly sensational tactic, so I went to her campaign website.

She was not only aware of it, she’s encouraging it. She started it, in fact, and you may have seen the birth of this questionable campaign on the news last year. You see, Brown is the woman who confronted Frank during those ever-so-delightful health care reform “discussions” of last year and called the reform effort an attempt to implement a “Nazi program.”

Barney’s frank response — see what I did there? Wasn’t that clever? – was, “Ma’am, trying to have a conversation with you would be like trying to argue with a dining room table.”

Well, that apparently lit the fuse on this woman’s powder keg full of crazy, because she decided to try and unseat Frank in the primary, and a key element of her campaign is to toss out Hitler and Nazi references (and rather baffling references to the US somehow being under Great Britain’s thumb).

A few select passages from her website:

Obama and the spineless Congress just voted in London’s fascism. The health care bill, as I stated last August in my interaction with Barney Frank, is fascism…Democrats sacrificed their supposed morals to vote in a Nazi-modeled T-4 death board. The real intention of this bill is the IPAB (formally IMAC or IMAB) austerity board, which creates a policy precedent to kill poor, sick and elderly Americans, in order to save money, as Hitler did in the hospitals of Germany in 1939.

In an exercise of tyranny, Massachusetts Attorney General Martha Coakley, is attempting to silence Rachel Brown…according to shopping mall owners in the district, Coakley’s office has advised them that they can prevent Brown campaign workers from discussing the Nazi-like policies of President Obama.

President Barack Obama’s so-called health care plan is not just bad policy, but is really a death plan, modeled on Adolph Hitler’s 1939 policy dictate, which ordered the murder of more than 275,000 “useless eaters,” who were primarily poor, sick and elderly people.

Stay classy, Rachel Brown, stay classy.

I’ve adopted, as a political reporter and as a voter, a basic philosophy for the 2010 election season: If you feel you have to resort to drawing comparisons between Hitler and the Nazi regime and any person who hasn’t orchestrated the mass slaughter of six million-plus Jews in the name of racial purity, you lose automatically. You’ve shown me you have nothing of substance to offer. You’re trying to manipulate people’s fears and frustrations rather than trying to appeal to their reason and intellect, because you know if you try the latter tactic, you’ll stand revealed as nothing more than just another pissed-off voter with a personal axe to grind.

I’d right now like to lay down a challenge to Brown to strip the inflammatory rhetoric from her campaign and try running on issues and ideas rather than fear, hate, and ignorance. Be warned, Ms. Brown: Should you refuse, even though I’m undecided as to who I will vote for in this race (there are a couple of Republican candidates I think look very promising), I will feel obligated to match you outrage for outrage.

Before you take me on, I think it only fair to fire a warning shot, as it were. Please review this draft statement I’ve prepared and will, if necessary, happily send out in a mass e-mail…because, as we learned from the health care debate, if it comes to you in the form of an anonymous chain e-mail, it HAS to be true.

Dear voter,

I would like to encourage you to vote for Barney Frank in the upcoming Democratic primary election. His opponent, Rachel Brown, is ill-suited for the important job of representing the fourth Congressional district, and here’s why.

Look at her campaign literature and you’ll see some extremely harsh comments aimed at Barney Frank and President Barack Obama. I can draw only one conclusion from such statements: Rachel Brown hates men, homosexuals, and African-Americans. That means, according the theory of transitive properties, she is as bad as serial killer Aileen Wuornos, the Reverend Fred Phelps, and TV’s Michael “Kramer” Richardson combined.

Do we want a serial-killing military-funeral-picketing has-been comedic actor with bad hair representing us in Congress? I sure don’t.

Plus, you’ll notice that she wants very much for the United States to plan and execute a mission to colonize Mars. Why? What’s her agenda? Doesn’t she know that Mars has never brought the human race anything good? Martians destroyed London in 1989, and staged against the US not one but THREE major invasions that each time left thousands dead – in 1938, 1953, and 2005 – and the third time they advanced as far as Boston, and only the timely intervention of Tom Cruise and our Earthly germs stopped them.

And recall the failed diplomatic mission of one Mr. John Carter (D – Virginia), who was beset at every turn by fanatical attacks by the Green Martians of Barsoom. Yes, Mars is clearly a terrorist state…and do we really want a Martian Al Qaeda sympathizer in a position of power? Do we want to become the United States of Mars? Hell no!

Then there is her habit of referencing Hitler. You know who else mentioned Hitler a lot? Joseph Goebbels! Josef Mengele! Erwin “The Desert Fox” Rommel! Colonel Klink! Villains all! And of course, let us not forget Eva Braun a woman, just like Rachel Brown! Coincidence? I think not!

So are you going to vote for an obvious Nazi sympathizer? Are you? Well? ARE YOU?!

And finally, I would be remiss if I did not point out that as a woman, Rachel Brown possesses Original Sin. That’s right, friends: Rachel Brown is no better than Eve, who got mankind kicked out of Paradise by succumbing to Satan’s temptations and defying the will our Lord God! What else will she screw up for us if she makes it into the US House of Representatives? I shudder at the thought!

Make the right choice, voters, and keep this she-demon hellbent on orchestrating the slaughter of men, gays, blacks, Jews, and miscellaneous Earthlings (in that order) by her Nazi Martian terrorist co-conspirators out of Congress. Vote for Barney Frank on September 14.

The views and opinions in the Enterprise blogs are those of the author and are not neccessarily shared by Falmouth Publishing.

5 Responses to “A vote for Rachel Brown is a vote for Martian tyranny!”

  1. Your proposed ‘chain letter’ is actually more restrained – and factual! – than some other screeds I’ve seen floating around the web. In fact, I’ll make the prediction right now that within a month it’ll be getting fired off all over the place, with Ms. Brown’s name replaced by the sender’s target-of-choice. I’ll further predict that in 75-85% of such cases, neither the sender nor the recipients will recognize the satire…

  2. I would ask the adherents of Rachel Brown and Tea Partyette Brown
    herself to bring to the public forum the following:

    Some creative solutions. Any jackass can kick down a barn.

    Your vision(s) on how to create jobs fast….pleeeeaaase!

    How you would deal with corporate fraud and wrongdoing. Its been
    getting worse and worse since Jan. 20, 1981 and went altogether
    dangerous by the Fall of 2008 when it nearly killed the economy.

    How to deal with immigration without criminalizing immigrants.
    Both of my parents were immigrants (legal and from Ireland and
    Denmark).

    Just how you would deal with climate change and pollution.

    But please spare us:

    The hate speech directed at all people different than you either
    by appearance, ethnicity or political thought.

    Calling all good government programs “socialist” or “fascist”
    (political opposites by the way) to somehow be bad, especially
    when you drive on public roads, use public libraries, benefit by
    public police, fire and DPWs and collect Social Security and
    Medicare.

    The hypocrisy of moralizing sex and sexual orientation.

    The wrapping yourself in the flag. Its such a crutch.

    The thuggery of toting firearms to political rallies or proposing
    such adolescent behavior.

    The paranoia of all things foreign or international. It just makes
    you look like you never travelled outside North America in your
    lives.

    W. Andy Meier
    4/25/2010
    A genuine Bostonian by birth, education and some jobs
    Worked in Mass. 37 3/4 Yrs. out of 42 Yrs 2 Mos.
    Live next to another Chatham…Chatham, NY
    but I’m in Canaan, NY, 5 miles from the border.
    I shop in Mass. (lower taxes).
    Worked in Pittsfield 20 Years for the USPS

  3. This woman is a nut. I saw her and her goons parading around Newton Center with their Obama in a Hitler mustache.

    They almost got their asses handed to them by some locals Jews who felt (as any reasonable person would) that it was in extremely poor taste.

  4. You are all brainwashed. To say that you cant make a hitler referance until a person has slaughtered millions of people is downright insanity and ignorance. I was taught in high school TO referance the past. TO learn from the past. to NOT ignore the past. Fact of the matter is, obama is very similar to hitler. the ONLY differance is that hasn’t slaughtered Millions ,yet. While he hasnt slaughtered millions YET, he has slaughtered thousands with his signing of drone strikes abroad, and his administrations involvment in fast and furious. If we wait until a leader kills millions to say, “hey, hes kinda like hitler” then its already to late. I cannot wrap my head around this kind of thinking.

  5. Vin, provide a detailed itemized list of how Obama is similar to Hitler to such a degree that it validates the comparison, or kindly go sit with the other paranoid whackadoos.

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