This week’s talked-about topics, ranked by importance (10 = extremely important, 1 = completely trivial fluff)
10 ) America goes to kinda-sorta war with Libya, and this country’s habit of taking moral stands against tyranny continues (not counting all those other tyrants that we won’t touch because they can actually fight back…unless their country is strategically important to the US).
9 ) Japan hangs in there. Meanwhile, a bored Godzilla, not wanting to add insult to injury, is eyeballing North Korea.
8 ) HyLine Cruises, long-time critic of Cape Wind, partners with the wind farm to launch eco-tourism venture. Former critics Bill Keating and Dan Wolf now praise Cape Wind for the job creation prospects. Lawyers plot to convince the Alliance to Protect Nantucket Sound that obstructionist lawsuits against all of these people would be a great idea. Boy, Cape Wind really IS an economic engine for the region!
7 ) New census data shows that people under the age of 18 are leaving the Cape in huge numbers. Strangely, their parents are still here.
6 ) The Barnstable County Board of County Commissioners discuss wind turbine regulations, and not once does a member of the audience hog the microphone to deliver a melodramatic off-topic lament about how wind turbines are as bad as Michael Ironside in “Scanners.” Rational discourse? About wind energy? Jeez, I don’t know if I could get used to such luxury.
5 ) Elizabeth Taylor dies at age 79. Knowing her she’ll die at least eight more times.
4 ) Studies show that the number of men seeking plastic surgery to maintain their youth is on the rise. Yeah, because growing a ratty ponytail, getting an earring, and buying a Corvette just makes you look like a desperate loser.
3 ) Chris Brown storms out of the Good Morning America studios after an interviewer refused to let him off the hook about his domestic assaults on ex Rihanna, then whines on Twitter that people need to let it go. GMA offers a weepy apology and swears to god, baby, they can change, they won’t ever ambush-interview him again.
2 ) The Westboro Baptist Church announces plans to picket Liz Taylor’s funeral because of her work raising awareness of HIV and AIDS. Someone please, for the love of God — and I mean that literally — run these tools over with a steamroller.
1 ) Ellen DeGeneres takes Selena Gomez to task for lying about not dating Justin Bieber on a previous show. Hey, if I were her I wouldn’t want to admit that either…that puts her on every teenage American girl’s hit list.
The views and opinions in the Enterprise blogs are those of the author and are not neccessarily shared by Falmouth Publishing.