Snark-Infested Waters by Mike Bailey

Snark-Infested Waters by Mike Bailey

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Importometer Reading For 3/20/11

10) I’m on vacation next week! Okay, maybe it’s not that important, really, but damn, do I need some time off.

9 ) The Rapture is tomorrow! 6 PM local time! Preceded by an earthquake! Followed by lots of embarrassment, recriminations, and back-pedaling from the gullible — I mean, faithful.

8 ) Cape Wind could lose out on a federal program that would back loans for the $2 billion-plus project. It won’t raise the price of power from the wind farm, but it won’t lower it either. If nothing else, it’ll give the Alliance to Protect Nantucket Sound a decent reason for a Nelson Muntz-esque “Haw haw!” moment.

7 ) A study commissioned by the Catholic Church pins the clergy sex abuse scandal on the loose morals of the 1960s and 1970s influencing young, under-trained priests. So what influenced church leaders to hide the problem instead of deal with it? The 1980s?

6 ) Massachusetts lawmakers consider putting an end to “lifetime alimony,” and place caps on how much and how long a divorcee could pay alimony. Better idea: get rid of alimony altogether. It’s an outdated concept.

5 ) The Texas woman who confessed to killing her young son and dumping his body in Maine is saying she wants to join her boy in Heaven. I think it’s safe to say THAT won’t be happening.

4 ) Newt Gingrich appears on Meet The Press, extols a moderate stance, gets blasted by the GOP base, backpedals furiously, blames “gotcha journalism” for his remarks, rips those who use the remarks against him…what, now that Trump’s out of the race, Newt is the new crazy guy? On a related note…

3 ) Sarah Palin blasts the “lamestream” media (oh, grow the hell up, you arrogant twit) for “forcing” Gingrich to apologize for his Meet The Press comments — never once realizing that a lot of that criticism came from Fox News…you know, the same network she appeared on in order to chide the media.

2 ) The Governator, Arnold Schwarzenegger, reveals he has a love child from an affair with a household staff member. How very Kennedy-esque of him.

1 ) Donald Trump announces that he won’t run for President after all…on the same day NBC renews “Celebrity Apprentice.” Trump’s shenanigans leading up to these back-to-back announcements make me think there is a conspiracy here bigger and more legitimate than the one surrounding Obama’s birth certificate.

The views and opinions in the Enterprise blogs are those of the author and are not neccessarily shared by Falmouth Publishing.

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