10 ) President Obama introduces a long-range deficit introduction plan. Republicans criticize the proposed tax hikes on the rich, tax loophole closures that affect oil companies, his list of cuts, the number of times the word “fiduciary” appears in the bill, the waste of taxpayer dollars in using three staples instead of two on the binding, and Obama’s use of the elitist Times New Roman font (everyone knows real Americans prefer Corona NT Standard).
9 ) On a related note: Republican Congressman John Fleming of Florida laments that Obama’s tax hikes will make life harder for him, because in a given year he only has $400,000 left over from his $6.3 million in annual income. I know how you feel, man. The recession hit me so hard I had to sell two of my Bentleys, so I’m reduced to driving the Rolls on weekends. I don’t know how I cope.
8 ) The military officially repeals “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.” The military fails to immediately crumble. Funny, that.
7 ) Rick Perry “jokingly” boasts about his poor performance in school. We get it, Rick: ANYONE can grow up to be President, even ignoramuses and dullards.
6 ) One Million Moms, an offshoot of that fun-loving arch-conservative group the American Family Association, is calling for a ban on Ben & Jerry’s “Schweddy Balls” ice cream because the name “has turned something as innocent as ice cream into something repulsive.” Remember, folks: it’s easier to get a product banned than it is to act like a parent!
5 ) Barnstable County holds its first public inquiry about the Cape and Vineyard Electric Cooperative and get a lot of answers to questions that have already been asked. And answered. Progress!
4 ) Dunkin’ Donuts plans to abandon its styrofoam cups for a greener option. That’s great and all, but I’d rather they put some effort to making their coffee good.
3 ) Netflix and Facebook team up to alienate fans through utterly pointless changes to their very successful services. And yet, you don’t see everyone rushing over en masse to Blockbuster and Google+, do you?
2 ) The attorney representing Brian Hunt, father of the Falmouth student caught “sexting” in 2009, says Hunt’s latest legal woes are the result of his client’s open criticism of the police. I believe the offending line was, “Where do those clowns get off doing their job?”
1 ) Ashton Kutcher debuts on “Two and a Half Men” the same night Charlie Sheen’s celebrity roast airs. One featured raunchy funny dialog between talented performers that pleased the audience and the other was “Two and a Half Men.”
The views and opinions in the Enterprise blogs are those of the author and are not neccessarily shared by Falmouth Publishing.