10 ) Korean dictator Kim Jong Il dies. Kim Jong Il? More like Kim Jong Dead! Hahahahahaha…ha ha…uh…what, too soon?
9 ) Protesters hit Lowe’s stores across the country to express their outrage at the company’s decision to pull advertising from All-American Muslim. Lowe’s announced that it would stick with its decision, insisting that it was a business decision and that the company does not bow to pressure from any outside organization. Well, you know, from now on.
8 ) The GOP Shuffle continues as Ron Paul — yes, RON PAUL — takes over the lead contender slot in a recent poll. The only guy who hasn’t been in the top spot now is Rick Santorum, and I bet he’s practically frothing at the mouth for his shot.*
7 ) Democrats and Republicans stalemate again over a crucial issue and blame each other for Washington gridlock. Looks like that “Not Me” ghost that used to hang around in Family Circus has a new gig.
6 ) The Massachusetts State Lottery will start accepting debit cards for lottery purchases beginning as early as next month. My sympathies go out to convenience store clerks everywhere. I used to be one of you, and I know how batcrap insane lottery players could get when they were pissing away the money they had on-hand.
5) The first trailer for “The Hobbit” drops. If this does not thrill you, you have no soul and I pity you. Check it!
4 ) Pat Robertson accuses Saturday Night Live of Christian bigotry for its “Jesus Meets Tim Tebow” sketch. Could someone please let Pat know that SNL has been neither relevant nor funny for at least 15 years?
3 ) The Saugus superintendent of schools cancels a traditional annual visit from Santa Claus and, after reversing his decision, starts getting death threats from irate parents. People, that’s not “naughty list” behavior, that’s “restraining order list” behavior. Chill out. Santa Claus is still comin’ to town.
2 ) Lindsay Lohan’s issue of Playboy breaks sales records. Finally, Lohan has found a way to make some money from sacrificing her dignity.
1 ) The box office experiences its worst weekend in 16 years. I find it hard to believe that Hollywood is doing as bad as December 1995, which saw such fine films as Dracula: Dead and Loving It, White Man’s Burden, Balto, Four Rooms, Cutthroat Island — uh…never mind.
* The management would like to remind readers that if you got the joke, it’s not my fault.
The views and opinions in the Enterprise blogs are those of the author and are not neccessarily shared by Falmouth Publishing.