10 ) Days after boldly declaring his campaign had been given a “ticket to ride” by New Hampshire voters, Jon Huntsman withdraws from the Republican primary race to clear the way for Mitt Romney. How nice of him to spare voters the tedious chore of making up their own minds.
9 ) And then there’s Rick Perry, who dropped out Thursday and gave his support to Newt Gingrich…in the form of a lightweight aluminum scaffolding to prop up Newt’s giant bobblehead.
8 ) A state panel finds no evidence that wind turbines cause illness. Residents claiming turbines make them sick disagree. And round it round it goes, in circles, around and around and…oy…I feel suddenly nauseated. Omigod — wind turbines DO make you sick!
7 ) The first major snowstorm of 2012 is on its way. Or not. Look, no matter what happens, we can all agree: it’s the weathermen’s fault.
6 ) Rumors fly that Rihanna has been seeing abusive ex Chris Brown on the sly. I hope this rumor proves true, but only if it also includes the phrase “to savagely pummel Brown with a cricket bat.”
5 ) Mark Walhberg inserts his foot into his mouth and swallows up to the knee when he declares how he would have handled things were he on-board one of the planes that got hijacked on 9/11. Sorry Mark, no re-takes in real life. This one goes on your permanent blooper reel.
4 ) Newt Gingrich’s former second wife claims that Newt asked for an open marriage. Jeez, lady, you should have taken him up on it. It’s not like you couldn’t have done WAY better.
3 ) A head in a bag is found near the famed “Hollywood” sign. It later sold the rights to its story to Paramount.
2 ) “American Idol” returns for another season of turning complete nobodies into highly recognized nobodies (Come on, this show’s been on for more than a decade and it’s produced only two big stars. That’s a lousy average).
1 ) The Patriots won some kind of important-ish game, now they’re getting ready to play another important-ish game. I guess the only difference is that the second game doesn’t have a really religious guy playing quarterback.
The views and opinions in the Enterprise blogs are those of the author and are not neccessarily shared by Falmouth Publishing.