10 ) Tornadoes tear through the heartland.
9 ) Super Tuesday proves not-so-super as neither Mitt Romney nor Rick Santorum manage to break free of the pack. At this rate, we won’t have a true front-runner until the 2016 election cycle.
8 ) Rush Limbaugh issues a non-apology apology for his “slut” comments toward Sandra Fluke and explains he was merely engaging deliberate absurdity to make a point. Rush, I apologize if you regard me calling you a heartless, brainless, drug-addicted misogynist offensive, but I’m being deliberately absurd to make a point.*
7 ) Former “Growing Pains” star Kirk Cameron is accused of hate speech after he calls homosexuality “unnatural” and a threat to society. Now now, people, there’s a difference between hate speech and hating what someone says. Let’s not cheapen our contempt for real hate speech by giving this dope more credit than he’s due.
6 ) Questions arise about the Coalition Against an Undemocratic Regional Wastewater Authority’s authenticity. The Coalition responds with stony silence as to its membership. Yeah, that’ll show everyone! Nothing dispels rumors like evasiveness!
5 ) Global climate change skeptics in Massachusetts fall mysteriously silent on Thursday, March 8. Wonder why?
4 ) Newt Gingrich requests Secret Service protection…not because he’s in any danger, but because he’s running out of ways to feign relevance.
3 ) A California company introduces “Black Blood of the Earth,” a coffee with 40 times the caffeine as standard coffee. Writers and hardcore video gamers, your prayers have been answered.
2 ) Snooki confirms her pregnancy and vows to end her partying lifestyle…which means she’s no longer suitable for MTV, but hey, I hear TLC is looking to fill a few time slots.
1 ) Lindsay Lohan’s Saturday Night Live appearance draws a big audience but gets blasted by critics. Sort of her life in a nutshell, huh?
* Actually, I don’t apologize and there is no absurdity in my comment, because that’s what you are, jerk-ass.
The views and opinions in the Enterprise blogs are those of the author and are not neccessarily shared by Falmouth Publishing.