10 ) Rick Santorum wins two Deep South states after promising voters to take this country into the mid-Twentieth Century.
9 ) A mini-documentary about African warlord Joseph Kony gets millions of hits on YouTube, prompting journalists across the country to wonder how they too can bring such widespread attention to important issues. Well, for starters, you could start acting like journalistic integrity still means something.
8 ) Tensions in Afghanistan flare after a member of the US military allegedly goes on a civilian-killing spree. A spokesman for the Taliban releases the following statement: “Hey! Stop ripping us off! That’s OUR thing!”
7 ) Mitt Romney catches flack for his vow to get rid of Planned Parenthood by eliminating its federal funding. Don’t get too wound up, folks. Once he wins the nomination and has to pander to a wider audience, he’ll change his stance.
6 ) Catherine Grieg, Whitey Bulger’s accomplice and girlfriend, pleads guilty to helping the mobster avoid the law.
5 ) Former Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich heads off to jail, defiantly claiming that one day the truth will be known. We already know the truth, Blago: it’s a toupee.
4 ) “The Hunger Games” stands poised to make a killing at the box office (ha, see what I did there?).
3 ) An “American Idol” contestant gets the boot after his criminal background goes public. Man, the era of Johnny Cash is truly gone, isn’t it?
2 ) Gallagher suffers his second heart attack. You’d think a guy who spends his career swinging sledgehammers at watermelons would be in better cardiovascular shape.
1 ) The trailer for Tim Burton’s “Dark Shadows” film debuts. Nothing says gothic romance like disco balls.
The views and opinions in the Enterprise blogs are those of the author and are not neccessarily shared by Falmouth Publishing.