10 ) Members of the US Secret Service catch flack for dallying with prostitutes in Columbia during a presidential visit. Damn! So many jokes I could tell and not one of them isn’t X-rated.
9 ) US Senator Scott Brown and Elizabeth Warren get into a war of words over releasing their respective tax returns. Who cares? All that will tell us is which one we should resent more for being that much wealthier than the rest of us.
8 ) Dick Clark dies of a heart attack at 82. Wait, he was only 82? He was barely out of puberty!
7 ) Authorities conduct a series of busts on businesses engaging in EBT card fraud. Now, instead of taxpayers footing the bill for food stamp cheats, we get to foot the bill for their imprisonment. We just can’t win sometimes, can we?
6 ) Rick Santorum declines to endorse Mitt Romney, stating he’d rather leave the decision in the hands of the voters. Yeah, that plan worked out great for you, didn’t it, Rick?
5 ) Hundreds of runners drop out of the Boston Marathon due to the hot weather. Looks like the Kenyans’ dastardly plan to increase global temperatures so they can dominate the sport of marathon running is working nicely.
4 ) Daniel Adams heads to jail for abusing the state’s film tax credit incentive. He should have gone to jail for the two crappy movies he made.
3 ) Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie announce they will at last get married. For wedding gifts, they’re buying one another new children from their favorite third-world nation.
2 ) Good Morning America breaks the Today show’s 16-year streak as the top-rated morning show. Don’t get too thrown, American viewers: CBS is still dead last. Consistency!
1 ) Oprah Winfrey fails to make Time Magazine’s “100 Most Influential People” list for the first time in nine years, getting bumped off for the likes of comedian Louis C.K. OUCH. Way to rub salt in the wound, Time Magazine.
The views and opinions in the Enterprise blogs are those of the author and are not neccessarily shared by Falmouth Publishing.