10 ) Mitt Romney makes a five-state primary sweep. At last he has momentum! And all it took was to lose all his viable opponents. Speaking of which…
9 ) Newt Gingrich lets go of his fantasy of a come-from-behind primary victory and bows out of the presidential race. Aw, but Newt, you were SO CLOSE…
8 ) Concorde votes to ban the sale of water in single-serve bottles. Next up: juice boxes…not for environmental reasons, though, just because the juice is TERRIBLE.
7 ) A proposed EBT reform bill would bar recipients from using their taxpayer-funded benefits on things like bail, alcohol, pornography, and the Lottery. It’s called the “No Fun For You Until You Get a Job Act.”
6 ) Falmouth Selectman Melissa Freitag reveals herself to be an America-hating commie pinko by skipping over the ritual symbolic loyalty oath part of Monday’s meeting. Well done, Ms. Freitag…or should I say, COMRADE FREITAG?!
5 ) US Senator Scott Brown lays into Whole Foods for its decision not to carry fish with unsustainable populations, chiding the supermarket chain for “political correctness”…or, what rational people call “environmental stewardship.”
4 ) The Falmouth-based National Graduate School for Quality Management comes under fire for shady business practices and for handing out invalid degrees, including honorary doctorates. What? A school handed out invalid purely symbolic and inherently worthless fake degrees? The nerve!
3 ) Mashpee’s Superintendent of Schools Ann Bradshaw loses her new gig in Norton after contract negotiations fall apart. “I told her over and over, we don’t own the sun and the moon and the stars,” said the chairman of the Norton School Committee, “so we can’t give them to you.”
2 ) Lindsay Lohan continues to botch her comeback attempt by showing up late to film her cameo on “Glee.” Ironically, the set list for that episode included “Loser” and “The Bitch is Back.”
1 ) The Bruins lose a hockey game, fans mourn, then promptly forget they ever liked the team.
The views and opinions in the Enterprise blogs are those of the author and are not neccessarily shared by Falmouth Publishing.