10 ) President Obama finally voices his full support for same-sex marriage. This almost — almost makes up for…
9 ) North Carolina takes another step back into the stone age by defining marriage as a union of one man and one woman in its constitution. Fun fact: first cousins can marry in North Carolina — but not double first cousins, meaning cousins born of two sets of siblings in two different families…because, you know, that’d be just gross.
8 ) The federal Secure Communities program will activate in Massachusetts next week, making it tougher for illegal immigrants to stay under the radar and easier for politicians to whip up anti-immigrant rhetoric.
7 ) The Legislature reverses course on a measure that would have banned school bake sales. Parents across the state secretly fume, because now they have no excuse to avoid cranking out eight dozen cupcakes by tomorrow to help out the Boosters Club.
6 ) The chairman of the state gaming commission resigns after old allegations of sexual abuse surface. Well, at least we know now he was familiar with one kind of vice.
5 ) The Parents Television Council (their motto: “If we can’t have fun, no one can!”) rails against the addition of Howard Stern to the judging panel of America’s Got Talent. Before a single episode has aired, which already makes them a worse judge than Howard.
4 ) The Avengers demolishes box office records, taking in $200 million in its first weekend. As a side-effect, it managed to boost the box office take for the floundering John Carter, which was paired with The Avengers in several double-bills. Earth’s Mightiest Heroes indeed.
3 ) Tim Burton “re-imagines” the cult classic soap Dark Shadows as a comedy, unleashing another movie in a career that could itself use a little re-imagining.
2 ) Two masseurs claim they were sexually harassed by John Travolta. Bad move, guys…you caught John during a career downswing. Should have waited for his next comeback film.
1 ) Britney Spears joins the judging panel of The X-Factor. Considering the state of her career, she’d be better off as a contestant.
The views and opinions in the Enterprise blogs are those of the author and are not neccessarily shared by Falmouth Publishing.