10 ) Massachusetts marks the eighth anniversary of same-sex marriage becoming legal and the seventh anniversary of the giant crevice opening in the earth and swallowing us all for our sinful folly. Oh, wait…
9 ) The jobless rate in Massachusetts shrinks along with utility rates. Wait…good financial news? There must be some mistake.
8 ) After defaulting on a loan repayment to the state of Rhode Island, Curt Schilling asks the state for more money to keep his video game company afloat. Guess government bailouts aren’t so bad when you’re the one asking for them, huh, Curt?
7 ) Donna Summer dances her last dance and dies at age 63.
6 ) Tom Lynch, interim Barnstable town manager, could get the gig full-time, which would disqualify him from serving on the Barnstable County Assembly of Delegates. That’s like telling Beyonce her solo career disqualifies her from ever singing with Destiny’s Child again.
5 ) A poll reveals that half of all Americans regard Facebook as “a fad.” One hundred percent of Americans then posted links to this poll on their Facebook pages.
4 ) Ron Paul announces he will cease active campaigning…perhaps in the hope it will prove a more successful strategy than his active campaigning.
3 ) Sasha Baron Cohen offends Arab-Americans with his new comedy The Dictator. Look on the bright side: at least he doesn’t wear a mankini and nude wrestle a fat guy.
2 ) Skechers settles its class action lawsuit over its ineffective gimmicky athletic shoes. It plans to cover its payout by asking for Kim Kardashian to repay all the money they gave her to promote something as fakey as she is.
1 ) Jennifer Lopez might leave American Idol, making yet another medium she had semi-conquered and abandoned. Next up: kubuki theater.
The views and opinions in the Enterprise blogs are those of the author and are not neccessarily shared by Falmouth Publishing.