10 ) Michigan State Rep. Lisa Brown is silenced by her peers after using the word “vagina” during a discussion on abortion bills. It appears the Michigan House is a bunch of — well, in the name of decency I won’t use the word I want to, but here’s a hint: it’s a synonym for “vagina.”
9 ) Republicans accuse President Obama of pandering to Latino voters by pushing for immigration reform. Meanwhile, the Democrats accuse Mitt Romney of pandering to everyone by dodging a question on whether he’d repeal such an act. Girls, girls, stop fighting! You’re BOTH sucking up to the electorate!
8 ) Speaking of Der Mittster, Romney name-drops and says he’s looking at Florida Senator Marco Rubio as a running mate…no doubt in an effort to win support among voters who like to screw up elections.
7 ) US Senator Scott Brown agrees to debate Elizabeth Warren…only if MSNBC is frozen out of the broadcast and Victoria Kennedy withholds an endorsement of Warren. Warren, meanwhile, agreed to participate only if Brown mans up and stops acting like a total synonym for vagina.
6 ) The Attorney General’s Office puts the brakes on Middleboro’s anti-obscenity bylaw until it can determine if the bylaw is in fact constitutional. Meanwhile, people will just have to deal with profanity the old fashioned way: sticking their fingers in their ears and shouting “LA LA LA I CAN’T HEAR YOU LA LA LA!”
5 ) The mayor of Cambridge considers banning the sale of super-sized sodas to fight obesity. You know what else causes obesity? Bad decisions and a lack of self-control. Maybe Cambridge should ban those too.
4 ) Video game Lara Croft gets a controversial reboot that includes an implied sexual assault attempt in her backstory. But hey, they made her chest smaller, so that’s a step in the right direction, right?
3 ) Massachusetts residents suffer a strange case of mass amnesia and completely forget that just a few months ago, they were complaining about how cold it was.
2 ) Alec Baldwin has another hissy fit, this time on a photographer. I swear, he does this stuff just so he has new material for his next visit to Saturday Night Live.
1 ) Advance reviews aren’t looking so hot for the history/horror mash-up film Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. Maybe Rutherford B. Hayes: Mermaid Slaughterer will fare better.
The views and opinions in the Enterprise blogs are those of the author and are not neccessarily shared by Falmouth Publishing.