10 ) The US Supreme Court upholds Obamacare. In unrelated news, staffers talk Mitt Romney off a ledge. Why he went out there, I guess one can only speculate.
9 ) Nabisco draws the ire of homophobes everywhere with its “gay pride Oreo” promo image and threaten a boycott. Good! More Oreos for those who deserve them.
8 ) President Obama gets booed as his own fundraiser in Massachusetts after praising the Kevin Youkilis trade. Guess who just became a swing state?
7 ) The MBTA proposes raising money by selling off naming rights to its T stations. Good thing Lechmere went out of business or things could get REALLY confusing.
6 ) Pundits speculate whether the heroine of the new Pixar film Brave is a lesbian because she doesn’t want to get married and likes physical activities. That’s our standard for spotting lesbians now? I guess it’s a step up from the Birkenstock-and-Indigo Girls stereotype.
5 ) Former gubernatorial candidate Christy Mihos blows off a court hearing on domestic abuse charges. His lawyer claims his estranged wife is trying to gain leverage in divorce proceedings, but come on…it’s not like Christy has money anymore.
4 ) A Libertarian blogger holds a profanity-heavy rally in Middleboro to protest the town’s anti-swearing bylaw, thus proving that freedom of speech has a price. In this case it’s allowing an unfocused doofus to defend the right to free speech in the most clumsy and unconvincing way possible.
3 ) James Cameron announces that he will film three Avatar sequels back-to-back. It was the most efficient way to cater to his titanic ego*.
2 ) Ann Curry is officially ousted from the Today show, making way for a new female co-host who STILL won’t be as interesting as Katie Couric (who wasn’t as interesting as Jane Pauley).
1 ) Charlie Sheen announces that after his new series Anger Management ends, he’s leaving Hollywood. I hear he’s actually being muscled out by Lindsay Lohan so she can assert her position as the industry’s top alcoholic drug-addled imploding former big star who’s squandering her talent.
* = See what I did there?
The views and opinions in the Enterprise blogs are those of the author and are not neccessarily shared by Falmouth Publishing.
Mike made special note of ” * = See what I did there?” …yes, Michael, we get it, the movie Titianc and “titanic ego” …how clever of you to come up with such a unique play on words, and then to make absolutely sure that the rest of us little people understood the sophistication behind it, you placed an asterisk next to it followed up with the notation at the end of your column. God job, Mike! ^_^
Jeez, Ron, switch to decaf.