10 ) Barack Obama and Mitt Romney are in a virtual dead heat in national polls. Well, nice to see all that negative campaigning is working; America doesn’t like either of them.
9 ) George Zimmerman claims his shooting of Trayvon Martin was “God’s plan.” God replies, “Don’t pin this on me, douchebag.”
8 ) Mitt Romney demands an apology from the Obama camp over its constant skepticism of Romney’s time at Bain Capital. Sorry, Mittens, if Obama can deal with three-plus years of birther B.S., you can endure a couple weeks of scrutiny over your business record. Speaking of that…
7 ) Rush Limbaugh claims that Bane, the villain of the new The Dark Knight Rises, is in fact a thinly veiled slam against Mitt Romney. If that’s so, why is the insanely wealthy Bruce Wayne fighting against him? Shouldn’t they be teaming up to take down that liberal hippie Green Arrow.
6 ) Lobster prices plunge due to a market glut. Who’d've ever thought we could have an over-abundance of sea cockroach?
5 ) Ticket holders to a canceled 1979 The Who concert will get a refund.Sure, that’s SO much better than seeing the entire band in their prime.
4 ) Glee gets snubbed by the Emmys. Is it really a snub if an awards ceremony for excellence in television ignores a show because it’s not good anymore?
3 ) Ikea announces it will start selling its own brand of beer. In true Ikea tradition, they will forget to put alcohol in one out of every six cans.
2 ) Fred Willard is arrested for lewd conduct at an adult movie theater. He was heard to remark, “Wha hoppen?”*
1 ) Tabloids got crazy speculating about what happened between Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes…and I mean jumping-on-Oprah’s-couch crazy.
* If you ever saw Waiting for Guffman, this joke is hysterical. I think it was Waiting For Guffman. Maybe it was A Mighty Wind. I don’t know, Fred plays the same character in everything he’s in.
The views and opinions in the Enterprise blogs are those of the author and are not neccessarily shared by Falmouth Publishing.