10 ) Mitt Romney chooses Ryan Paul as his running mate. Ryan Paul! The man who loves Ayn Rand…who was, unlike Ryan, pro-choice…a fact that endears him to the Catholic church…which disapproves of his shoddy treatment of the poor. Oh man, this is going to be fun!
9 ) Miley Cyrus gets a new haircut. Wait a minute, that shouldn’t be this high up. Hold on…
8 ) Joe Biden tells a mostly African-American group that Romney’s economic policy would put them back in chains. Man, grandpa says the craziest things in his old age…
7 ) Democratic and GOP candidates for the Ninth Congressional District square off in back-to-back debates, and the Republicans prove much more cordial to one another than their Democratic contemporaries. Don’t suppose we could just pick between the two nice Republicans, huh?
6 ) Aly Raisman returns to Massachusetts, medals in hand. Young girls are amazed that they can so admire a woman with a definable talent who has actually done something to earn her fame (*coughKardashianFamilycough*).
5 ) Taylor Swift buys a home in Hyannis near the Kennedy compound. No offense to Ms. Swift, but it was much cooler seeing Arnold walking down Main Street.
4 ) Whitney Houston’s last film “Sparkle” receives tepid early reviews. You know what they say: dying is easy; theater is hard.
3 ) Former porn star Jenna Jameson pleads guilty to DWI. If you want to hear the many many off-color jokes I cannot use here, e-mail me.
2 ) Robert Pattinson makes first media appearance since his split with Kristen Stewart, who lashes out at the same media for painting her as a cheater but not the man she cheated with. Looks like R-Patz isn’t the only one who needs a publicist.
1 ) Miley Cyrus gets a new haircut. Yeah, that’s where this belongs MAINSTREAM ENTERTAINMENT MEDIA. Jeez. I know it’s your job to peddle trivial B.S. to brainless twits, but come on…
The views and opinions in the Enterprise blogs are those of the author and are not neccessarily shared by Falmouth Publishing.