10 ) Republican Congressman Todd Akin reveals his shocking lack of knowledge of the female reproductive system by declaring that victims of “legitimate rape” rarely got pregnant because their bodies would block embryo implantation. Akin got this information from several reputable doctors, including Victor von Doom, Douglas Evil, Anton Phibes, and Lester Verde Bong.
9 ) On a related note: after several prominent Republicans condemn Akin and pull both support and funding from his US Senate campaign, the GOP unveils a harshly anti-abortion platform for the election. Wow, they just do not pay attention to themselves, do they?
8 ) A New Hampshire GOP candidate for county sheriff backpedals furiously after advocating the use of deadly force to stop someone from getting an abortion. Cognitive dissonance is apparently as much a part of the Republican platform as crushing women’s rights.
7 ) Cape Wind announces it will base its operations and maintenance facility in Falmouth the same week the Alliance to Protect Nantucket Sound announces it is yet again appealing a positive finding by the FAA. That’s kind of like a bridesmaid showing up to her friend’s wedding in the same dress.
6 ) Lance Armstrong refuses to fight accusations of doping, a move that costs him his seven Tour de France titles and earns him a lifetime ban from professional cycling. Cancer? Easy fight. Allegedly false accusations? Eh, screw it.
5) Director Tony Scott commits suicide by jumping off a bridge. Phyllis Diller dies of a heart attack. Dammit, Betty White, stay alive!
4 ) Curt Schilling, still smarting over the failure of his video game company, calls R.I. Governor Lincoln Chafee a “dunce of epic proportions.” I agree. Chafee should haven never given Schilling money in the first place.
3 ) Mark David Chapman, John Lennon’s killer, is once again denied parole. Paul and Ringo breathe a sigh of relief.
2 ) Turns out rumors of Taylor Swift buying a home in Hyannis were just that. She’s actually buying Hyannis.
1 ) Prince Harry is photographed au naturale in Las Vegas. Let’s just assume I made a joke about the Crown Jewels and move on.
The views and opinions in the Enterprise blogs are those of the author and are not neccessarily shared by Falmouth Publishing.
