10 ) Hurricane Isaac disrupts the GOP National Convention. Pat Robertson remarks, “Eh, it’s just a coincidence.”
9 ) Mitt Romney, in typical fashion, flip-flops and decides he doesn’t really want his party’s formal nomination.
8 ) Neil Armstrong dies. Confused Green Day fans take to Facebook and Twitter to mourn the loss of the band’s frontman (and dear god, I wish I was joking about that).
7 ) Fox News calls out Paul Ryan about the many falsehoods in his GOP convention speech. Yes, you read that right: Fox News outed a lying Republican. I know, doesn’t make sense to me either.
6 ) A Texas court throws out a voter ID law. Texas! Where the men are men, the women are women, and the Republicans are suddenly a lot more nervous!
5 ) Famous-for-nothing-but-being-on-the-Internet Courtney Stodden turns 18 and immediate starts receiving offers to do porn…much to the dismay of her husband of two years, 51-year-old actor Doug Hutchinson. Yes, you read all of that correctly. Come back when you’re done crying.
4 ) MTV announces it will end production on The Jersey Shore after its sixth season. Fans of good taste rejoice.
3 ) Superman starts dating Wonder Woman in the new issue of Justice League. Brangelina is demoted to number two most beautiful power couple in the world.
2 ) Lindsay Lohan, a suspect in a major jewelry theft, claims she is being framed. Despite her many problems, she’s still a great actress; I totally believed her when she claimed she was innocent.
1 ) Snooki has a panic moment when her baby is born with a natural skin tone.
The views and opinions in the Enterprise blogs are those of the author and are not neccessarily shared by Falmouth Publishing.
Damn. I was blissfully unaware of Courtney Stodden but now I have to spend the morning catching up on Google. Good thing the kids are back to school and I can cover a lot of ground without pesky interruptions.