Snark-Infested Waters by Mike Bailey

Snark-Infested Waters by Mike Bailey

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The Importometer Reading For February 8, 2013

10 ) SNOWMAGEDDON 2013! See you in April, when the snow finishes melting!

9 ) The Boy Scouts defer a vote to allow gay members and leaders. Scouts may be brave, but their leadership sure isn’t.

8 ) Special Election Mania begins as John Kerry formally leaves his US Senate post. Oh, inflammatory GOP press releases, how I missed you so!

7 ) Rick Santorum declares that homosexuals should not be allowed into the Boy Scouts. Someone should tell Rick that the best way to remain politically relevant is not to embrace perspectives on social issues that are becoming increasingly irrelevant.

6 ) Rapper Chris Brown wants people to stop accusing him of criminal behavior. Chris, we only accuse you because we love you so much, but I swear, baby, we’ll never accuse you again.

5 ) Disney plans to churn out stand-alone films set in the Star Wars universe. They plan to use the money to build an actual Death Star. Sorry — DisneyWorld Low Geosynchronous Orbit.

4 ) The Super Bowl loses power for more than a half-hour. New England responds, “Oh, there was a Super Bowl going on?”

3 ) Katie Couric reveals that Larry King once tried to seduce her. Gee, wonder how she managed to turn down that smoldering hunk of raw sexuality?

2 ) Dick Morris is fired from Fox News. Some speculate that his botched prediction of a Romney landslide victory over Obama was a factor, but come on: if Fox fired everyone who said something stupid and untrue, the place would be a ghost town. Oh, say, there’s a thought…

1 ) Monopoly fans vote to lose the flatiron game piece and replace it with a cat. The piece comes with its own rules: place it on “Go” and yell at it to move; curse loudly when the cat ignores you and stays right where it is.

The views and opinions in the Enterprise blogs are those of the author and are not neccessarily shared by Falmouth Publishing.

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