9 ) The jobless rate in Massachusetts shrinks along with utility rates. Wait…good financial news? There must be some mistake.

8 ) After defaulting on a loan repayment to the state of Rhode Island, Curt Schilling asks the state for more money to keep his video game company afloat. Guess government bailouts aren’t so bad when you’re the one asking for them, huh, Curt?

7 ) Donna Summer dances her last dance and dies at age 63.

6 ) Tom Lynch, interim Barnstable town manager, could get the gig full-time, which would disqualify him from serving on the Barnstable County Assembly of Delegates. That’s like telling Beyonce her solo career disqualifies her from ever singing with Destiny’s Child again.

5 ) A poll reveals that half of all Americans regard Facebook as “a fad.” One hundred percent of Americans then posted links to this poll on their Facebook pages.

4 ) Ron Paul announces he will cease active campaigning…perhaps in the hope it will prove a more successful strategy than his active campaigning.

3 ) Sasha Baron Cohen offends Arab-Americans with his new comedy The Dictator. Look on the bright side: at least he doesn’t wear a mankini and nude wrestle a fat guy.

2 ) Skechers settles its class action lawsuit over its ineffective gimmicky athletic shoes. It plans to cover its payout by asking for Kim Kardashian to repay all the money they gave her to promote something as fakey as she is.

1 ) Jennifer Lopez might leave American Idol, making yet another medium she had semi-conquered and abandoned. Next up: kubuki theater.

Not surprisingly, voters are looking at a possible repeat of the 2010 election, when brothers Oliver P. and Charles O. Cipollini, of Marstons Mills and Fall River respectively, ran against each other – by which I mean, they were both candidates and they campaigned, but Charles kept telling voters to support Oliver.

Charles won the election and, like last year, has no primary opponent. Oliver, however, will face off in September against fellow Democrats Walter Moniz of New Bedford and Nicholas D. Bernier of Swansea.

My theory, Cynical Version, is that the general election will come down to Charles and Mr. Bernier, because voters don’t know squat about any of the candidates and will simply vote for whoever appears at the top of the ballot, and “Bernier” comes before “Cipollini.”

My other theory, the Non-Cynical Version, is that Charles will probably square off against Mr. Moniz, who ran in 2010 and got his 2012 campaign ramped up nice and early.

Either way, both those scenarios would better serve the voters than another non-campaign featuring the Not Even Remotely Fighting Cipollini Brothers.

***

The campaign events calendar is looking pretty thin all around, except for Sandwich Republican Thomas F. Keyes, who has a slew of events scheduled for this month and next.

Among the upcoming local events for the state senate candidate: house parties at the homes of Beverly Comeau in Sandwich (May 18), Frank and Andi Keohane in Falmouth (May 30), Ted and Sylvia Wahl in Sandwich (June 3); a reception with Mary Z. Connaughton, former Republican candidate for state auditor, at the Nimrod in Falmouth (June 18); a garage sale (seriously, that’s what it says) at the Sagamore home of Alice Zinkevich (June 23); and a meet-and-greet at Ms. Zinkevich’s home (June 26).

Keep up with Mr. Keyes’ campaign events at www.votekeyes.com/events.

***

Sheila R. Lyons, incumbent Barnstable County Commissioner, is preparing to launch her new campaign website. There’s just a placeholder page there now, but I’ll let you know when the full site is up and running.

One of her opponents, Eric R. Steinhilber, has also launched his campaign website, which already has some content on it.

The third candidate, incumbent Mary L. (Pat) Flynn, does not have a county commissioner-specific website up yet.

Political news and announcements may be e-mailed to Michael Bailey, senior political reporter, at bailey@capenews.net.

Mr. Steinhilber makes two remarks about the proposal, the first of which is:

Eric says “NO MWRA for Cape Cod.” Eric will lead the charge against the creation of a Cape-Wide Regional Wastewater Authority, which would burden Cape residents with new taxes and huge water bill increases. Eric will seek the protection of our water resources through the enforcement of existing regulations and common-sense, cost-effective solutions.

The second one, listed under the header of “taxes,” says this:

Eric will fight to stop any and all attempts to impose new county taxes on the families, seniors, and businesses of Cape Cod. Eric will work to protect residents by stopping Cape-wide sewer project proposals, which alone, could cost each homeowner over $60,000 in new taxes.

My earlier post (linked above) addresses comment number one, so I’m going to focus here on comment number two, specifically Mr. Steinhilber’s claim that a Cape-wide sewering project “could cost each homeowner over $60,000 in new taxes.”

Mr. Steinhilber does not cite a source for this figure, which is much higher than other numbers quoted by county officials and consultants in recent months.

Robert Ciolek, an independent consultant working with the Cape Cod Water Protection Collaborative, reported last summer that the capital costs of region-wide sewering would range between $3.2 billion and $5.8 billion – a price range that does not take into consideration ongoing operating costs of $40 million to $68 million each year.

The capital costs alone break down to up to (repeat: up to) $27,000 per person, or $33,000 per property, Mr. Ciolek reported — at worst, a little more than half the amount Mr. Steinhilber quoted.

(However, this assumes that every single property owner on Cape Cod would pay into the capital costs, which Mr. Ciolek said is not the case. According to him, no more than half of all Cape residents – the region’s homeowners – would shoulder the financial burden. He also said that charging betterments on homeowners was not as equitable a system for funding such an infrastructure as through rates and fees for system users.)

So where does this $60,000 figure come from? Mr. Steinhilber appears to be misquoting a figure contained in the Cape Cod Wastewater Protection Collaborative’s April 2010 report comparing the costs of various wastewater management systems.

On page 27, there is a table comparing the various costs of a satellite wastewater management system, which is a system that serves  “from 30 to 1,000 homes (wastewater flows between 10,000 [gallons per day] and 300,000 gpd), intended to treat and dispose of wastewater from one area of a town.”

The estimated capital cost range for such a system is $46,000 to $60,000 — and this is the ONLY time that $60,000 number appears in that entire report.

CONCLUSION

Mr. Steinhilber has it wrong. His claim that “Cape-wide sewer project proposals…could cost each homeowner over $60,000 in new taxes” applies the quoted dollar figure for one type of wastewater management project to a different type. Based on existing analyses, the estimated per-property cost for a regional sewer system is at worst $33,000, while decentralized satellite systems would cost nearly twice as much: $60,000. Further, that amount would not be applied to “each homeowner,” but to fewer than half according to Mr. Ciolek — who does not endorse that funding method.

9 ) President Obama catches flack for politicizing the death of Osama Bin Laden for campaign purposes. Hey, people, chill. It’s not like he landed on the deck of an aircraft carrier to announce “mission accomplished” on a war that had barely begun.

8 ) Texas sets its sights on Planned Parenthood. Fun fact! Texas has a higher teenager pregnancy rate than the national average. But I’m sure killing Planned Parenthood will fix that up just fine.

7 ) The Middleboro police chief wants to fine people who swear in public. Does the chief know that the term “fascist pig” isn’t a swear word?

6 ) Falmouth Selectman Melissa Freitag chides the media for “controlling the agenda” in response to her decision not to recite the Pledge of Allegiance at a recent meeting. Ironic comment, considering it was her control of the agenda that led to this mess.

5 ) A special county committee prepares its report on the Cape and Vineyard Electric Cooperative — soon to be known by CVEC opponents as “that document that doesn’t accomplish exactly what we wanted it to.”

4 ) A dream home on Nantucket goes up for sale at the cool price of $59 million. Also known as the tax levy on the entire island for the year 2009. Let that one roll around in your brain for a while.

3 ) “The Scream” sells for nearly $120 million. That’s not a scream, that’s a look of complete shock.

2) “Octomom” Nadia Suleman files for bankruptcy and lays out her financial plan for the future, which involves softcore pornography. Sounds like her financial planning is as sound as her family planning.

1 ) A man sues BMW after claiming his motorcycle gave him a chronic erection. BWM motorcycle sales skyrocket.

Two candidates for re-election have come under fire recently for alleged ethics violations. First we have Sheila R. Lyons, incumbent Barnstable County Commissioner, who was been accused by rival candidate Ronald R. Beaty Jr. of accepting campaign donations from individuals who she has interacted with in her official capacity as county commissioner.

First, Mr. Beaty cites on his blog the fact that Ms. Lyons received in December 2011 a $200 donation from Henri S. Rauschenbach, who the county commissioners appointed to co-chair the Special Commission on County Governance.

Important details number one through three: Mr. Rauschenbach was recommended for the special commission by the Cape Cod Business Roundtable, not the county commissioners, who only approved the selection; the donation was made eight months after that appointment; and Mr. Beaty has made his disdain for the special commission very well known and has made a number of efforts to undermine its work.

I’ll also point out that this is a complete 180 from December, when Mr. Beaty publicly showered praise on Ms. Lyons. In an e-mail sent out to Cape media outlets, he called Ms. Lyons a “shining star” and a “pragmatically insightful and pleasant woman who cares deeply about social justice, the welfare of individual Cape Cod residents as well as Barnstable County as a whole.”

Of course, he wasn’t running for Ms. Lyons’ job at the time.

Mr. Beaty further noted that Robert Ciolek, an independent consultant to the Cape Cod Water Protection Collaborative, also donated to Ms. Lyons in 2011 — several months after (I repeat: after) he was contracted by the commissioners to serve as the CCWP’s consultant.

Mr. Beaty claims these donations could constitute legal conflicts of interest, but there’s an important piece missing from this equation: did Ms. Lyons derive direct personal financial benefit? There’s nothing to suggest she did, so unless someone can prove otherwise, the claim here falls flat.

(Not that campaign donations for political favors aren’t a real problem, but it’s important to draw a clear distinction between politics as usual, which is unfortunate, and true graft and corruption, which is despicable.)

Ah, but what about the fact that Ms. Lyons last month received a $75,000 bank loan through the Cape Cod Five Cents Savings Bank, for which Dorothy A. Savarese serves as president — the same Ms. Savarese who sat on the aforementioned Special Commission on County Governance?

Well, unless Ms. Savarese personally signed or pushed through the loan application, the accusation of a conflict of interest is again hollow.

In the case of Mr. Beaty, he appears to be venting his ire at the special commission and its recommendations — specifically to reformat county government and to explore the creation of a regional wastewater management entity — at Ms. Lyons, perhaps in an attempt to undermine her re-election and prime his own campaign.

Problem is, if these charges cannot be proven and do not result in any sort of official sanction by the state ethics commission, Mr. Beaty’s tactic could backfire.

The same could be said for Brian R. Mannal, who is challenging State Representative Demetrius J. Atsalis (D – Barnstable) in the primary. Mr. Mannal last week filed a formal complaint against Rep. Atsalis with the state ethics commission over an e-mail sent by the incumbent.

That e-mail was sent from Rep. Atsalis’s State House e-mail address to Lee Fisher, former lieutenant governor of Ohio, asking if he remembered Mr. Mannal from his and then-Governor Ted Strickland’s 2006 campaign.

Apparently, Rep. Atsalis was trying to clarify Mr. Mannal’s party loyalties, noting that his opponent was involved in President George W. Bush’s campaign in 2000, later got a gig with the state of Ohio under a Republican administration, and remained a member of the GOP until 2004 (Mr. Mannal has openly admitted to jumping ship to the Democratic Party that year).

Rep. Atsalis acknowledged the e-mail, which he called “innocent,” and said he sent it through his State House e-mail account in error.

Here, an ethics violation might not apply because the e-mail did not have any sort of monetary value attached to it, but the Massachusetts Office of Campaign and Political Finance does prohibit the use of public resources such as state e-mail accounts for campaign purposes.

It should be noted that Rep. Atsalis already has one official strike from the OCPF. In June 2011 the OCPF fined Rep. Atsalis $3,125 for “numerous recordkeeping and reporting errors” on his campaign finance statements from 2007, which he failed to rectify by 2010. He was also required to practice strict “enhanced reporting requirements” through 2014 or face an additional $2,500 fine.

This brouhaha has a little more legitimacy to it than the Beaty/Lyons kerfuffle, but I think the voters might like to see a little more debate on the issues in the coming weeks rather than back-and-forth accusations of ethical lapses (especially if there is no merit to them).

***

This coming Tuesday marks the last day for candidates for county and district elected offices to file their nomination papers, and as things stand this week, we’re looking at a rather empty local ballot.

To date only three incumbents have declared opponents: Senate President Therese M. Murray (D – Plymouth), State Representative Randy Hunt (R – Sandwich), and Rep. Atsalis. That leaves State Senator Daniel A. Wolf (D – Harwich) and State Representatives Timothy R. Madden (D – Nantucket), Cleon H. Turner (D – Dennis), and David T. Vieira (R – Falmouth) running unopposed.

There’s also been no buzz for two county seats that are up for grabs this year: the Register of Deeds, a seat currently held by John F. (Jack) Meade, and the Clerk of Courts, now held by Scott W. Nickerson.

Political news and announcements may be e-mailed to Michael Bailey, senior political reporter, at bailey@capenews.net.

9 ) Former state treasurer Tim Cahill is indicted amidst allegations he misused Lottery funds to bolster his flagging gubernatorial campaign. Another sad case of someone thinking the Lottery will solve all their problems.

8 ) Falmouth Town Meeting voters take contradictory votes on whether to keep the town-owned wind turbines spinning following two nights of debate. Well, glad we could solve that problem once and for all…

7 ) The Big Dig lives on as the state gets ready to undertake $54 million in light replacement surgery in the tunnels. Oh, just rebuild the entire damn thing already! It’ll be cheaper in the long run.

6 ) Sarah Palin swallows her disdain for the “lamestream” media to co-host the Today show. Lesson learned: pride takes second place to a paycheck and bolstering your ego.

5 ) County commissioner candidate Ron Beaty splits hairs over how the Special Commission on County Governance was created. With that kind of skill at creatively interpreting select and incomplete pieces of information, this guy should be running for a federal office.

4 ) James Cameron tweaks “Titanic” after Neil deGrasse Tyson points out inaccurate constellations in the night sky during the climactic sinking scene. Next, Neil plans to fix the first three chapters of the “Star Wars” saga by showing George Lucas all the errors in plotting, dialogue, and characterization (could take a while).

3 ) Keith Olbermann admits he “screwed up” and deserved getting fired from his Current TV gig. Let him tell you more about it in a long-winded, self-righteous monologue.

2 ) A Bellingham school powers to public pressure to restore the word “God” to the lyrics of “God Bless the USA.” It was inevitable, really “Elmo Bless the USA” just doesn’t have the same ring.

1 ) Jaleel “Urkel” White denies that he blew up at his “Dancing With the Stars” partner backstage. Wow, and I thought after starring in “Mega Shark vs. Crocasaurus” he couldn’t sink any lower.

Last Friday Mr. Beaty issued a press release announcing that he was back in the race. A day later, in a highly unorthodox move, he issued a second release formally endorsing fellow candidate Eric R. Steinhilber – one of his potential opponents in the November primary.

But the oddest turn came a few days before Mr. Beaty re-entered the race, when he sent out a copy of an e-mail from Norah K. Mallam, staff attorney with the Massachusetts Ethics Commission, saying, basically, that there is nothing in the state’s conflict of interests law that would prevent him from simultaneously holding seats on both the board of county commissioners and the assembly.

“The conflict of interest law will not prohibit you from running for and holding two elected positions in the same county,” Ms. Mallam said, but she added that were Mr. Beaty to achieve this feat, he would have to exercise extreme diligence in avoiding instances when a vote as a member of one body has a direct impact on his role with the other.

“For example, if a matter comes before you as the Barnstable County Commissioner involving the amount of compensation that members of the County Assembly of Delegates should receive,” she wrote, “then you would be prohibited from participating in that matter as a Commissioner.”

Mr. Beaty has not made any public statements indicating he does indeed plan to run for both seats, and my advice is to keep it that way. Pick one race and commit to running it.

***

Which is exactly what Andrew Putnam plans to do — if he runs at all, that is.

The Falmouth resident announced this week that he is “strongly considering a run for both the Assembly of Delegates and (for) County Commissioner at this time. I will be announcing on Wednesday, April 11th whether I will run for one of the offices or none at all.”

Here’s hoping that he does run for something. I’m a big fan of giving voters choices and making incumbents work for their re-election.

***

On a related note, the aforementioned Mr. Steinhilber has formally launched his campaign for county commissioner. He held his kick-off event last Saturday in Hyannis.

Notably, both Mr. Steinhilber and Mr. Beaty are going after one of the same targets: the regional wastewater authority proposed by the Special Commission on County Governance – and both men are jumping the gun quite a bit by acting like this authority is a done deal, which it is not.

“Is it the proper role of the County or its newly created authority to have taxation powers to potentially impose billions in new taxes and fees on the already overtaxed, over worked people of Cape Cod?” Mr. Steinhilber remarked at his event, while Mr. Beaty warned that “an autonomous authority would unilaterally seize specific decision-making, fee imposition and taxation powers from the 15 municipalities of Cape Cod regarding wastewater infrastructure issues and/or services. Wastewater/sewer rates and relevant taxes would incessantly go up year after year.”

Readers, be clear on an important point here: no authority has actually been created and none of the details, from its administrative structure to its method of raising revenue, have been sketched out. The special commission made a recommendation, and the county commissioners voted to explore the concept – not to create an authority, not even to endorse the proposal, simply to look into it.

Mr. Beaty and Mr. Steinhilber are straying into the realm of fearmongering, which might make for good campaign sound bites but it also hampers a serious, honest discussion about what is undeniably a thorny issue for all of Cape Cod. They need to dial down the rhetoric and stick to the facts.

For a more in-depth analysis of this issue, check out this installation of Fact-Check Theater.

***

Finally, another Democrat has entered the race for US Senate: Eno Mondésir, a public health practitioner, self-published author, and ordained minister from Randolph.

Learn more about the candidate at his official website, and don’t be surprised if that’s the only place you can learn more about him. Mr. Mondésir is one of three Democrats who isn’t Elizabeth Warren, and if you’re not Elizabeth Warren, you’re as good as invisible to the big city media.

Political news and announcements may be e-mailed to Michael Bailey, senior political reporter, at bailey@capenews.net.

Several news outlets last week picked up on allegations of misconduct against Bristol County District Attorney C. Samuel Sutter, Democratic candidate for the Ninth Congressional District. Mr. Sutter allegedly released confidential records of phone conversations between murder suspect Jonathan Niemic and his attorney, Robert M. Griffin, and now Mr. Griffin is asking for the indictment against his client to be overturned.

This is the second such instance of alleged misconduct by Mr. Sutter. In 2003 murder charges against two suspects were dropped after a Massachusetts Superior Court judge found Mr. Sutter had displayed “a reckless disregard for the truth” by knowingly presenting an eyewitness who lied to a grand jury about the case.

Between this and the fact that incumbent Congressman William R. Keating (D) already has the backing of the state party, Mr. Sutter is facing a serious uphill battle in the primary.

***

In other Ninth District news, Plymouth Republican Christopher Sheldon will officially launch his Congressional campaign on Tuesday. He’ll make the announcement at the John Carver Inn and Spa on Summer Street in Plymouth.

Mr. Sheldon will hold a private reception at 6 PM, a public reception at 6:45 PM, and full festivities begin at 7:15 PM. If you want in on this, shoot an e-mail to Allan Knowles at sheldon.congress@gmail.com or call 508-591-0195.

***

Ronald K. Beaty Jr. of Barnstable, who all year has been making much ado about his candidacy for the Barnstable County Board of County Commissioners, on Saturday very suddenly suspended his campaign.

Mr. Beaty said in a follow-up to his e-mail announcement that a medical crisis was behind the decision. He said the suspension was indefinite and gave no hint whether he would return to the race once his medical issues are addressed.

***

I normally don’t pay much attention when people say, “Oh, I hear so-and-so is going to run for such-and-such this fall,” but this one has piqued my interest.

Over the past week I’ve received two calls from folks saying the word on the street is that Andrew V. Putnam of Falmouth is contemplating a run for the Barnstable County Assembly of Delegates. Mr. Putnam is a Town Meeting member for precinct nine, chairman of the town’s equity/affirmative action committee, and son of Falmouth Selectman Brent Putnam.

When contacted this week, Mr. (Andrew) Putnam confirmed he is considering a run for the assembly. “My reason for considering running is simple,” he wrote in a brief statement. “I believe that I could give a new perspective on many of the issues that face Falmouth and the Cape and help those that have been ignored be brought to light (such as the importance of the Assembly of Delegates).”

Mr. Putnam is referring to a proposal to merge the assembly with the Barnstable County Board of County Commissioners – an idea that his possible opponent Julia C. Taylor, a 22-year member of the assembly, is open to exploring.

Still, I’m curious about the buzz that seems to be building over this tentative campaign. For starters: over a race for the assembly? The county body that few know about and fewer care about? Nothing personal against the delegates, but let’s call a spade a spade: I’ve been covering the assembly for 13-plus years now and people STILL ask me, “What’s the assembly of delegates?”

This occurs, I must note, despite the assembly’s traditional annual rallying cry of, “We need to increase the visibility of county government!” Which stands in contrast to the fact that many delegates show up to maybe one board of selectmen’s meeting per year to talk about what’s happening at the county level. But I digress…

It’s not unprecedented for candidates to start a “whisper campaign” in advance of a formal declaration of candidacy to build some name recognition, but my advice to Mr. Putnam is this: don’t whisper, dude. Shout. Loud. And a lot.

***

Finally, I present a slightly paraphrased version of one of Senate President Therese M. Murray’s (D – Plymouth) jokes from last weekend’s Barnstable Democratic Town Committee St. Patrick’s Day Brunch: a conservative, a moderate, and a liberal walk into a bar. The bartender says, “Hey, Mitt.”

Political news and announcements may be e-mailed to Michael Bailey, senior political reporter, at bailey@capenews.net.

9 ) Super Tuesday proves not-so-super as neither Mitt Romney nor Rick Santorum manage to break free of the pack. At this rate, we won’t have a true front-runner until the 2016 election cycle.

8 ) Rush Limbaugh issues a non-apology apology for his “slut” comments toward Sandra Fluke and explains he was merely engaging deliberate absurdity to make a point. Rush, I apologize if you regard me calling you a heartless, brainless, drug-addicted misogynist offensive, but I’m being deliberately absurd to make a point.*

7 ) Former “Growing Pains” star Kirk Cameron is accused of hate speech after he calls homosexuality “unnatural” and a threat to society. Now now, people, there’s a difference between hate speech and hating what someone says. Let’s not cheapen our contempt for real hate speech by giving this dope more credit than he’s due.

6 ) Questions arise about the Coalition Against an Undemocratic Regional Wastewater Authority’s authenticity. The Coalition responds with stony silence as to its membership. Yeah, that’ll show everyone! Nothing dispels rumors like evasiveness!

5 ) Global climate change skeptics in Massachusetts fall mysteriously silent on Thursday, March 8. Wonder why?

4 ) Newt Gingrich requests Secret Service protection…not because he’s in any danger, but because he’s running out of ways to feign relevance.

3 ) A California company introduces “Black Blood of the Earth,” a coffee with 40 times the caffeine as standard coffee. Writers and hardcore video gamers, your prayers have been answered.

2 ) Snooki confirms her pregnancy and vows to end her partying lifestyle…which means she’s no longer suitable for MTV, but hey, I hear TLC is looking to fill a few time slots.

1 ) Lindsay Lohan’s Saturday Night Live appearance draws a big audience but gets blasted by critics. Sort of her life in a nutshell, huh?

* Actually, I don’t apologize and there is no absurdity in my comment, because that’s what you are, jerk-ass.

9 ) The Dow hits 13,000 for the first time since May 2008. Who was in office then? Oh, right…

8 ) New Jersey Governor Chris Christie catches flack from veterans for his decision to fly flags at half-staff for Whitney Houston. Hey, Chris! I can name at least one group that will not always love you.

7 ) Gas prices are predicted to hit $5 a gallon by summertime. But no, really, let’s keep talking about important stuff like contraception.

6 ) A sports blog editor gets canned after posting a racially insensitive headline about Jeremy Lin. Lin-sanity indeed.

5 ) A special commission could recommend the dissolution of the Barnstable County Assembly of Delegates. In an unrelated story, a special medical commission recommends the removal of the spleen from the human body.

4 ) WWE wrestler C.M. Punk issues a challenge to Chris Brown to get in the ring to settle their Twitter feud. Personally, I hope this comes to pass and that this is one WWE match that totally isn’t fake.

3 ) Rumors swirl that the Oscars might ban comedian/prankster Sasha Baron Cohen from attending this year’s ceremony. Yes, god forbid anything interesting happen at the Academy Awards.

2 ) Jennifer Aniston gets a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Her hair gets its star next year.

1 ) Will Farrell presides over Mardi Gras. At last, the man has a GOOD reason to run around in his underwear screaming like a lunatic.