10 ) ABC gives the green light to the “Marvel’s Agents of SHIELD” TV series! Trust me, people, there is NOTHING more important than the return of Agent Coulson!
9 ) The Obama Administration deals with a triple crown of controversies. Fox execs pass out from giddiness at having something legitimate to complain about.
8 ) Angelina Jolie undergoes a voluntary double mastectomy to ward off breast cancer, fans react with revulsion that someone would put her looks behind her health. Yeah, how dare she?
7 ) Bahbawa Walters wetires fwom journawism.
6 ) The Powerball jackpot increases, along with people’s delusions that they’ll actually win it.
5 ) Dr. Joyce Brothers dies. Tell me, how do you feel about that?
4 ) Rumors abound that the entire panel of American Idol judges will be canned after this season. It would be more efficient just to cancel the show.
3 ) The Office ends its nine-year run. Great, more middle-class workers out of a job.
2 ) A portrait of a topless Bea Arthur fetches $1.9 million. I’d pay twice as much to never see that painting.
1 ) Arnold Schwarzenegger enters talks to star in a remake of The Toxic Avenger. Luckily, at his age he won’t need the elaborate make-up.