Snark-Infested Waters by Mike Bailey

Snark-Infested Waters by Mike Bailey

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The Importometer Reading For February 3, 2012

Friday, February 3rd, 2012

10 ) Mitt Romney wins the Florida primary — or, as Newt Gingrich looks at it, Newt Gingrich won Florida if you ignore Mitt Romney.

9 ) Susan G. Komen for the Cure takes a huge P.R. hit by withdrawing financial support for Planned Parenthood amidst pressure from pro-life groups. Sure, because scaling back on cancer screenings for low-income women is TOTALLY pro-life.

8 ) Facebook prepares to launch a massive IPO that could rake in billions. I don’t think there’s a “Like” button in the world large enough for Mark Zuckerberg.

7 ) Don Cornelius, creator of “Soul Train,” takes his own life at age 75.

6 ) Donald Trump threatens to run for president as an independent, even though he claims he doesn’t really want to be president. Why don’t you follow that instinct, Don?

5 ) Suzanne Collins’ “The Hunger Games” is back on best-seller lists thanks to the upcoming movie. Uh, should I be happy people are reading a good book, or mad that it took the promise a movie to make them do it?

4 ) Legendary British horror factory Hammer Studios returns from the dead with “The Woman in Black” starring Daniel Radcliffe. Spoiler: the titular woman is actually Voldemort in drag.

3 ) Governor Deval Patrick signs a new two-book deal, the second of which will be an e-book “response” to reader feedback from the first. Wow, I wish I could make money off of people complaining about stuff I wrote. I’d be rolling in cash.

2 ) American Idol judges were blown away by a Britney Spears look-alike at a recent audition stop. Then they realized it actually was Britney Spears.

1 ) The Super Bowl is this Sunday, which means on Monday people across New England will either be boasting that “we” won the game or will be conveniently denying that Sunday ever happened.

The Week In Politics – February 3, 2012

Friday, February 3rd, 2012

In 2010, I regularly expressed surprise that the race for governor’s councilor of the first district got so much attention.

A total of seven people — five Democrats and two Republicans — ran for the seat two years ago, and one of those Democrats is back for another shot: Walter Moniz of New Bedford, who was in Yarmouth last week to kick off his campaign.

According to a press release, Mr. Moniz has remained active since 2010 election building a support base in the first district, so he sounds very serious about winning this year.

The seat is currently occupied by Republican Charles O. Cipollini of Fall River, who won a rather odd race. His brother, Oliver P. Cipollini Jr. of Marstons Mills, was the Democratic nominee, and Charles openly declared that he wasn’t really interested in winning and voters should back Oliver. They didn’t.

(My theory? No one knows jack about the governor’s council, so they just voted for the guy whose name was listed first on the ballot.)

***

State Representative David T. Vieira (R – Falmouth) confirmed this week he plans to run for re-election, and he has a fundraiser coming up later this month.

The Lincoln Day Dinner is on Friday, February 12 at The Nimrod in Falmouth, with cocktails at 6 PM and dinner at 6:30 PM. The evening will include dancing and a roast of the host, so if you’ve ever wanted to insult the rep in a public setting (good-naturedly, of course), now’s your chance!

Tickets are $50 apiece, and you can grab those by contacting Addie Drolette at 508-540-6727 or msaddied@hotmail.com.

***

Since it’s a light week, let me take a moment to enlighten readers about some terminology they’ll see in this column from time to time.

Candidates who do not belong to what Massachusetts recognizes as a political party — Democrat (D), Republican (R), and Green-Rainbow (which, counter-intuitively, is noted as (J) on official documents) — and who do not claim affiliation with any of the 22 “political designations” recognized by the state, will be referred to in this paper as a “non-party” candidate.

In the past such candidates have been referred to as “unenrolled,” the preferred term of the Massachusetts Secretary of the Commonwealth’s Office, but in the 2010 election cycle the office began to shift toward the term “non-party” due to complaints that “unenrolled” made people sound like they’re not registered as voters.

The office does not use the term “independent” when describing non-party candidates, in order to avoid confusion with the Massachusetts Independent Party or the American Independent Party — which, despite having “party” in their names, are only political designations as far as this state is concerned.

Addendum one: in Massachusetts, a political entity must receive three percent of the total vote in a state election in order to be recognized as an official party in the next state election, otherwise they are classified as a political designation. The main difference: parties have primaries, designations do not.

Addendum two: non-party candidates may choose the label “independent” to place next to their name on ballots instead of the tags “unenrolled,” “non-party,” or “minor party.” There is a bill in the Legislature that could change that and make “independent” the default label for non-party candidates, while another bill – filed by our own State Representative Demetrius J. Atsalis (D – Barnstable) would make “no party affiliation” the default ballot label.

Addendum three: among the more amusing recognized political designations in Massachusetts: the Pirate Party and the Pizza Party…and no, I did not make up either of those names.

Political news and announcements may be e-mailed to Michael Bailey, senior political reporter, at bailey@capenews.net.

The Week In Politics For January 27, 2012

Friday, January 27th, 2012

The race for the new Ninth Congressional District is heating up in earnest (sure glad something around here is warm).

This month alone Democrat C. Samuel Sutter, the Bristol County DA, has announced the formation of an exploratory committee and could challenge the de facto incumbent William R. Keating (D) for the primary nomination; and non-party candidate Peter A. White of Mashpee announced he was abandoning his bid for US Senate to run for the Ninth.

Now let’s welcome to the race our first official Republican, Christopher Sheldon of Plymouth, businessman and member of the Plymouth County Charter Study Commission. This is, according to his official bio, his first run for public office, but he has served as a campaign manager for MaryAnne Lewis, who ran as a non-party candidate for the soon-to-be-retired 10th Congressional District in 2010.

“Like many from the South Shore, South Coast, Cape and Islands, I am very concerned about the direction of our country, and especially our economy,” Mr. Sheldon said in a press release announcing his candidacy. “I believe in the American dream and I believe that, if we start now, there is still time to get our nation back on track.”

Mr. Sheldon is pitching the “we need new blood” angle and calling for an ouster of the career politicians in Washington, as well as an end to partisan bickering — two points I can totally get behind, personally.

The candidate plans to formally kick off his campaign on March 20.

***

Republican Thomas F. Keyes, the not-quite-official candidate for State Senate of the Plymouth and Barnstable District, is holding a meet-and-greet on Sunday, February 4. That will be held at the Trowbridge Tavern & Canal Club in Bourne from 7 to 9 PM.

The evening will feature the music of Andrew Botieri and a silent auction to benefit Mr. Keyes’ campaign. Donations of any amount are also welcome.

To RSVP or for more information, call Agatha Bodwell at 774-208-3480 or e-mail her at events@votekeyes.com.

(PS: Tom. Dude. It’s pretty obvious you’re running again. Make a formal announcement already.)

***

Regardless of what anyone thinks of either US Senator Scott P. Brown (R) or Democrat Elizabeth Warren, you have to appreciate their willingness to play fair…or, at least, as fair as you can in the political world.

This week Sen. Brown and Ms. Warren signed onto a pledge to actively condemn any negative ad campaigns funded by third-party sources, and to personally shoulder the penalty for an infraction by an outside organization. Each candidate has promised to donate to charity 50 percent of the cost of any third-party ad that explicitly supports their own candidacy or attacks their opponent by name.

Sadly, there’s one potentially crippling flaw in this pledge: the political action committees (PACs) responsible for the mudslinging ads don’t have to honor it; legally, the candidates have no control over these PACs or the ads they put out, so don’t be surprised if the overall negativity does not subside to any appreciable degree.

Ironic postscript: as I was writing this, the pro-Republican PAC American Crossroads (Karl Rove’s group) sent me an e-mail claiming that all the loopholes in the agreement are totally Warren’s fault. Way to embrace the message, guys.

Political news and announcements may be e-mailed to Michael Bailey, senior political reporter, at bailey@capenews.net.

The Importometer Reading For January 27, 2012

Friday, January 27th, 2012

10 ) Newt Gingrich has a great week in South Carolina, winning that state’s primary after making everyone forget about his craptacular morals by blaming his own weak will on the media at last Thursday’s debate.

9 ) Gabrielle Giffords announces she plans to retire from Congress to focus on recovering from a near-fatal gunshot wound to the head. What does it say about Congress when a member with a severe head injury has more integrity than most of her colleagues?

8 ) Mitt Romney releases his tax returns, which reveal a 15 percent tax rate on more than $42 million he earned over the course of two years. Hmmm…do I go with the “I guess corporations ARE people” joke or mock Mitt’s insistence that he’s a regular guy? Either way, I’ve still got more good choices than the entire field of Republican candidates.

7 ) Joe Paterno dies with the Penn State sex scandal unresolved. I thought he didn’t like quitters…

6 ) The Republican primary heads to Florida and the candidates get to work trying to stand out from all the other old white men…in the state, I mean, not the race.

5 ) Michele Bachmann predicts that safe, legal abortion in the US will end following the November election. Don’t worry, pro-choicers; she also predicted she’d win the presidency.

4 ) Pat Sajak admits he has hosted Wheel of Fortune while drunk. He says he drank in an effort to bring his intellect down to the level of the average Wheel of Fortune contestant.

3 ) A boat that sank off the coast of Nantucket three years ago washes up in Spain. The Spanish are now holding the ship hostage until we return at least one of its many sunken galleons.

2 ) For the first time, a Pixar release fails to earn a spot in the Oscar’s Best Animated Feature category. I’d say Steve Jobs is spinning in his grave, but I don’t feel like getting lambasted by a bunch of rabid Apple loyalists for daring to besmirch the great Jobs (seriously, Apple Zombies be crazy!).

1 ) Thousands of New Englanders find a new source of self-worth and personal achievement after some guy muffs a field goal kick. Estimated duration of this illusion: one more week. Two, if the Patriots win the Super Bowl.

The Importometer Reading For January 20, 2012

Friday, January 20th, 2012

10 ) Days after boldly declaring his campaign had been given a “ticket to ride” by New Hampshire voters, Jon Huntsman withdraws from the Republican primary race to clear the way for Mitt Romney. How nice of him to spare voters the tedious chore of making up their own minds.

9 ) And then there’s Rick Perry, who dropped out Thursday and gave his support to Newt Gingrich…in the form of a lightweight aluminum scaffolding to prop up Newt’s giant bobblehead.

8 ) A state panel finds no evidence that wind turbines cause illness. Residents claiming turbines make them sick disagree. And round it round it goes, in circles, around and around and…oy…I feel suddenly nauseated. Omigod — wind turbines DO make you sick!

7 ) The first major snowstorm of 2012 is on its way. Or not. Look, no matter what happens, we can all agree: it’s the weathermen’s fault.

6 ) Rumors fly that Rihanna has been seeing abusive ex Chris Brown on the sly. I hope this rumor proves true, but only if it also includes the phrase “to savagely pummel Brown with a cricket bat.”

5 ) Mark Walhberg inserts his foot into his mouth and swallows up to the knee when he declares how he would have handled things were he on-board one of the planes that got hijacked on 9/11. Sorry Mark, no re-takes in real life. This one goes on your permanent blooper reel.

4 ) Newt Gingrich’s former second wife claims that Newt asked for an open marriage. Jeez, lady, you should have taken him up on it. It’s not like you couldn’t have done WAY better.

3 ) A head in a bag is found near the famed “Hollywood” sign. It later sold the rights to its story to Paramount.

2 ) “American Idol” returns for another season of turning complete nobodies into highly recognized nobodies (Come on, this show’s been on for more than a decade and it’s produced only two big stars. That’s a lousy average).

1 ) The Patriots won some kind of important-ish game, now they’re getting ready to play another important-ish game. I guess the only difference is that the second game doesn’t have a really religious guy playing quarterback.

The Week In Politics For January 20, 2012

Friday, January 20th, 2012

Non-party candidate Peter A. White of Mashpee has dropped out of the running for US Senate…and is now running for Congress. Again.

Mr. White issued a press release last week announcing the switch, noting that “many of my peers in the Occupy movement are supporting (Democrat) Elizabeth Warren for US Senate and my grassroots democracy key value moves me to respect their wishes that I not oppose her in her campaign to replace Senator Scott Brown.”

Instead, Mr. White will take his third shot at Congress, running for the Ninth Congressional District. He’s run for Congress twice before, the first time in 2006, coming in third in a three-way race, and again in 2010, but he dropped out midway through the campaign.

***

Ah, but when the political gods close a door they open a window, and that window’s name is William Cimbrelo. He has been running as a non-party candidate for US Senate since October, although I didn’t hear about him until this week, when he issued a press release touting his “Hyannis ties” in the form of parents who retired to Hyannis.

(And stretch and reach…)

Mr. Cimbrelo is the creator of www.jobaction.org, an online message board for job seekers, and the founder of IndependentSurge.org, which is dedicated to aiding third-party candidates for elected office.

***

Is he or isn’t he?

More precisely: is Ronald R. Beaty Jr. of West Barnstable running for Barnstable County Commissioner or not? The answer: maybe.

Mr. Beaty issued a press release this week in which he says he’s “only contemplating a run” for county commissioner, but included with that release a copy of a Citizens for Limited Taxation-created “Taxpayer Protection Pledge” that he signed “Ronald R. Beaty Jr. – Candidate for County Commissioner.” He also has a blog titled “Ron Beaty for Barnstable County Commissioner” (linked above).

According to the release, Mr. Beaty is waiting to acquire his nomination papers and should have a 100-percent-official announcement soon.

Now, there is one other factor that could come into play here, and that’s Mr. Beaty’s criminal background. In 1991, Mr. Beaty — and this has been verified by the man himself — spent time in prison after he was convicted of sending threatening letters to President George H.W. Bush, US Senator Edward M. Kennedy, and then-State Senator Lois Pines. You can read more about that here and here.

Mr. Beaty is seeking a presidential pardon for those offenses, but regardless of how that turns out, you can bet that if he enters the race, this will become an issue.

Political news and announcements may be e-mailed to Michael Bailey, senior political reporter, at bailey@capenews.net.

The Week In Politics – January 13, 2012

Friday, January 13th, 2012

Senate President Therese M. Murray (D-Plymouth) confirmed this week to the Enterprise that she will be running for reelection this year.

Sen. Murray is currently in her ninth term of office and her second term as Senate President. While the “formal” campaign announcement is forthcoming, she said Wednesday during an interview with this here column-writing guy her campaign planning has already begun.

Right now the only not-officially-confirmed challenger on the horizon is Republican Thomas F. Keyes of Sandwich, who narrowly lost to Sen. Murray in 2010.

***

State Representative Randy Hunt (R – Sandwich) is off and running on his re-election campaign.

His first fundraiser is later this month, January 27, in the Emerald Room of the Cape Codder Resort and Spa in Hyannis. Stephen Bjork headlines the comedy night fundraiser, which comes with no suggested donation – which does not mean Rep. Hunt wouldn’t mind you dropping a little something in his campaign war chest.

Donate ahead of time and get primo seats at the event. You can send a check made payable to “Committee to Elect Randy Hunt” and mail it to his new district office at 297 Quaker Meeting House Road, East Sandwich, MA 02537.

If you don’t feel like giving the post office some business, you can also make a donation online.

***

Bristol County DA C. Samuel Sutter could be getting ready to challenge Congressman William R. Keating (D) for the Ninth Congressional District.

Mr. Sutter was mentioned as a possible contender soon after Massachusetts finished redrawing its Congressional district maps for 2012, and this week he formed an exploratory committee, a typical first step for someone considering a high-level elected office.

If he pulls the trigger, Mr. Sutter would face Rep. Keating in the primary election as they’re both Democrats. So far, no potential Republican challengers have emerged.

***

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Political news and announcements may be e-mailed to Michael Bailey, senior political reporter, at bailey@capenews.net.

The Importometer Reading For January 13, 2012

Friday, January 13th, 2012

10 ) Mitt Romney wins the New Hampshire primary. Congrats, Mitt. Here’s your brand new larger bullseye to put on your back.

9 ) Rick Perry finished NH with less than one percent of the vote. Hey, that’s a pretty good showing! If you’re a wacko fringe third-party candidate.

8 ) Friendly’s closes more locations as it emerges from bankruptcy protection. Speaking of mediocre foodstuffs and financial difficulties…

7 ) Hostess faces a financial crisis and files for Chapter 11. Don’t worry, folks, Hostess as a company is as enduring as the shelf life of its Twinkies.

6 ) A New Hampshire voter attempted to vote using a dead man’s ID. After he was caught by election workers who knew the deceased, he claimed he was simply testing voter security. Next, he got to test the police department’s booking room and the court’s arraignment process.

5 ) New Jersey governor Chris Christie chided Obama for running a re-election campaign based in cynicism and fear-mongering. I think he’s just upset Obama is stealing from the GOP playbook.

4 ) Van Halen releases its first new single with David Lee Roth on vocals in 28 year. Too bad it’s not 1984…by which I mean the year, which is when Van Halen could last be called an awesome rock band.

3 ) At a New Hampshire debate, Newt Gingrich criticizes Mitt Romney for his “pious baloney” — which is, ironically, Newt’s old Secret Service code name.

2 ) Charlie Sheen declares that he’s “not crazy anymore.” Funny how not being all coked up can change your mental state!

1 ) Rapper Snoop Dogg gets arrested for marijuana possession. Big whoop. That’s like saying Willie Nelson got caught with weed.

The Importometer Reading For January 6, 2012

Friday, January 6th, 2012

10 ) Mitt Romney wins the Iowa Caucus by a mere eight votes over Rick Santorum. Look, people, get it through your head: “Santorum” is not a good name for a president. Now, if he were running for the position of an evil wizard-king in Skyrim…

9 ) Obama signs the National Defense Authorization Act despite having “serious reservations” about the provisions allowing indefinite detention of terrorism suspects. What a coincidence: I’m having serious reservations about voting for Obama again.

8 ) Michele Bachmann finishes dead last in Iowa and ends her presidential campaign, thus restoring Sarah Palin to her rightful place as the GOP’s First Lady of Insanity.

7 ) The MBTA once again examines fare hikes and service cutbacks as a way to plug a growing deficit. Hey, who wants to go to Boston on a weekend anyway? It’s not like there’s anything to do there.

6 ) After initially clearing Lt. Gov. Tim Murray of any fault and refusing to release the details of his November accident, the state police backpedal at 10 MPH — the estimated speed at which the state’s second-in-command was traveling when he wiped out. Who claims the bigger oopsie: Murray or the staties?

5 ) Tempers flare out of control at a meeting of the county committee reviewing the Cape and Vineyard Electric Cooperative, culminating in Brewster Selectman Ed Lewis calling Connecticut-based activist Eric Bibler an a–hole. And you thought national politics was ugly and rude.

4 ) Roger Ebert theorizes Hollywood can reverse its 16-year-low 2011 performance by doing crazy stuff like lowering ticket and concession prices and focusing more on making good movies. Aw, what does he know about the film industry?

3 ) Katy Perry and Russell Brand file for divorce. Sad. I thought those two well-grounded, down-to-earth, boring-as-a-beige-room kids would go the distance.

2 ) Cee-Lo Green catches flack for changing the lyrics to John Lennon’s “Imagine” from “…and no religion too” to “…and all religion’s true.” THE MONSTER! I bet if John Lennon were still alive he’d curb-stomp* Cee-Lo for his audacity.

1 ) Demi Moore is tapped to play Gloria Steinem in the upcoming biopic about porn star Linda L0velace. The bad news: Demi is playing 2012 Gloria, not 1970s Gloria.

* Watch “American History X” to understand that reference. Just don’t blame me if you’re forever stuck with that horrific image in your head, you went and rented the damn movie.

The Week In Politics For January 6, 2012

Friday, January 6th, 2012

Great googily-moogily, is it that time already? Yes it is!

For new readers, welcome to the Enterprise’s regular dose of news briefs and witty(ish) commentary on Campaign 2012. In this column, I’ll post candidacy announcements, campaign event information, little newsy odds and ends that amuse me, and pepper it all with snarky wisecracks and obscure pop-culture references.

The focus here will be on the local races, so let’s start with an overview of those who are already in the game for this election cycle.

One of the big contests for Massachusetts will be for the US Senate seat currently held by Scott P. Brown (R), who was chosen in a 2010 special election to succeed the late Edward M. Kennedy. Sen. Brown is planning to seek a full term, and as early as it is, it’s almost guaranteed he’ll be facing Elizabeth Warren in November.

The Harvard law professor and adviser to the Obama administration has already managed to rack up a small body count of would-be primary opponents, including Newton mayor Setti Warren (no relation), City Year founder and 2010 US Senate candidate Alan A. Khazei, and State Representative Thomas P. Conroy (D – Wayland). They all dropped out because Ms. Warren is the Democratic Party’s darling in the race, so she’s getting all the party support (and money), making their continued participation no longer viable.

However, attorneys Marisa DeFranco and James C. King are (as of this writing) still in the running, as is non-party candidate Peter A. White of Mashpee, who is making his third run for federal office; he ran against then-Congressman William D. Delahunt in 2006 and ran a partial race for the 10th Congressional District seat in 2010, dropping out part-way through.

Speaking of Congress, William R. Keating (D) has announced that he will make his long-time second home of Bourne his formal address so he can run for the Ninth Congressional District. Rep. Keating was elected to the 10th district in 2010, but the 10th was eliminated as part of the decennial redistricting process, so the Cape and Islands was rolled into the new Ninth District.

No one else has formally announced their candidacy for the Ninth, but when you combine a first-term legislator with a reconfigured district with the general hurly-burly of a presidential election year, expect a large field of candidates for this race to develop soon.

At the state level, Senate President Therese M. Murray (D – Plymouth) and State Senator Daniel A. Wolf (D – Harwich) have both announced they will run for re-election.

Although a formal announcement has not yet been made, it looks like Republican Thomas F. Keyes will throw down against Sen. Murray once again. He lost a tight race to Sen. Murray in 2010, and over the past year Mr. Keyes has issued semi-regular press releases criticizing Sen. Murray’s major decisions and has continued to raise money.

As of this week, State Representative Randy Hunt (R – Sandwich) is the only one of the Cape’s six House members to formally announce a re-election bid. I predict we’ll have a full slate of incumbents, so the interesting part will be waiting to see who pops up to challenge them.

There could be quite a bit of action on the county level this year. County Commissioners Sheila R. Lyons and Mary L. (Pat) Flynn are both up for re-election, as are Register of Deeds John F. (Jack) Meade, Clerk of Courts Scott W. Nickerson, and the 15 seats on the Barnstable County Assembly of Delegates.

If anyone has any interest in running for public office, nomination papers will be available by February 14. Go to the Massachusetts Secretary of the Commonwealth – Elections Division website for a full 2012 election year calendar detailing the key deadlines for candidates.

Political news and announcements may be e-mailed to Michael Bailey, senior political reporter, at bailey@capenews.net.

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