Archive for the ‘Reality Check’ Category

Yeah, it’s that time again: time for everyone to get into a pointless knot over which greeting they receive at retail stores.

I’ve said it before, but it’s worth repeating: I don’t give a toss whether I get a “Merry Christmas” or a “Happy Holidays”…as long as they’re not telling me “Go **** yourself,” I’m cool.

The argument, as always, is over the exorcism of Christ from Christmas; the argument is that refusing to even say the word is part of some greater effort to secularize the holiday and strip it of its alleged Christian roots. I say “alleged” because Christmas is a essentially co-opted pagan holiday, and sorry, people, there’s ample historical proof to back me up on that one.

I disagree. I see running with a very generic slogan as a wholly understandable (if kinda gutless) reaction by the retail industry to those people on the opposite end of this foolishness: those who get themselves in a knot over a greeting that excludes everything but Christmas. Going with the all-inclusive, if bland, “Happy Holidays” is the best option in a no-win scenario, because you know it’s happened somewhere: someone went and scrounged themselves up a lawyer to sue a place for not offering a Christmas-specific platitude. Even in today’s frivolous litigation-happy society, you really have to push the bounds of jerkdom to claim you suffered emotional distress because someone wished you well in the most general of manners, so in simple terms of liability, I’d think “Happy Holidays” is more defensible than “Merry Christmas.”

(If there are any lawyers out there who would care to expound upon this — without claiming billable hours — please do.)

Whatever holiday you subscribe to, chances are it’s somehow based in a philosophy of peace, love, acceptance — you know, the good stuff in life. Why crap all over that just because someone’s being nice to you, just not in the precise way you’d like them to be?

To State Senator Dianne Wilkerson: innocent until proven guilty? Yes. But come on, woman, there is video of you stuffing $1,000 in CASH in your bra all over the Internet. The best you can hope for right now it be be found not guilty (not innocent; not guilty) on a technicality. Stop acting like you’re the victim, because you’re so not. This, coupled with the fact you lost your primary race, is ample reason to withdraw and go away before voters humiliate you further with a second crushing defeat on Tuesday.

To voters who are actually sticking by Senator Wilkerson in the face of very damning evidence: are you people insane? The woman gets nailed red-handed in the culmination of an 18-month FBI investigation — for corruption and accepting bribes to influence legislation — and you still want her representing your interests in the State House? I can only hope that you’re all too damned stupid to properly manipulate your ballots and wind up writing her name in the wrong spot.

Tom Brady’s injury is not and should not be the top story for any media outlet. He’s an athlete who suffered a serious injury, which is part of the game (literally and figuratively). There are much more important things going on in the world, things that really do affect each and every one us us in a very real way; Tom Brady’s injury has a real impact on a very small circle of people, and we aren’t in that circle, so FOCUS, you dolts! Prioritize!

(This is the latest entry in a semi-regular feature at Snark-Infested Waters, where I point out things that should be really obvious but, somehow, are not.)

Something for us all to remember as we had into the Presidential campaign season proper: Facts are not immediately rendered incorrect when they are presented by someone of a differing political or philosophical viewpoint. Also, knee-jerk gainsaying on that sole basis just makes the disputing party look doubly idiotic.

BARACK OBAMA: Water is wet. Also, the sky is blue.
FOX NEWS: Can you believe the latest liberal claptrap Obama is shoving down our throats now?

See how that works?

(This is the latest entry in a semi-regular feature at Snark-Infested Waters, where I point out things that should be really obvious but, somehow, are not.)

Tired of high gas prices? Here are a few tips that you should have already thought of yourself:

* Buying premium gas? Well, knock it off, dummy. I’ve never bought anything above regular in my life and I’ve not suffered for it. Save 20 cents a gallon and stop being so stuck-up about your petrol. 93 octane my pasty pink posterior…

* Angry that Exxon/Mobil is making crazy profits off of you? Then don’t buy gas there! Sacrifice your pointless brand loyalty and just buy the cheapest gas you can find (which won’t be at an Exxon or Mobil station, that’s for damn sure).

* Do you own a vehicle that’s too ridiculously huge for your actual needs? Then get rid of it and buy a normal car…you know, something with a gas tank smaller than your average above-ground swimming pool and a gas mileage rating that isn’t measured in single digits. That way you save gas, and you’ll probably knock your car payment down a few bills as well.